


Second Chances

by Sioux



Category: Children of the Stones (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-12 01:35:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18001325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sioux/pseuds/Sioux
Summary: Based on that wonderful children’s television programme “Children of the Stones” by Jeremy Burnham and Trevor Ray.“The standing stones encircled the village of Milbury.  Something strange was happening to the people in the village – something connected to the mysterious power sources from the past.”This story is set approximately six years after the happenings in “Children of the Stones”.Matt, Adam and Dai are the property of Messers Burnham and Ray, Simon, Ben, Zimmy, Fozzy et al are all mine!No infringement intended.





	Second Chances

 

Matt put the key in the door but before he could turn it the door was wrenched open from the inside and he was pulled bodily through and into a bear hug.

‘Dad!’ he said faintly, his mouth crushed against a tweed jacket.

‘Matt! Good to see you home again.’

‘I’ve only been away two weeks!’ he remonstrated as he was released.

‘Have you? Seems longer,’ Adam said, stooping to pick up his son’s bag. ‘Come in, Dave’s here and we’ve saved some food for you.’ He stopped and turned around as Matt closed the door. ‘Our kind of food anyway.’

‘Inedible then?’

‘Very funny!’

Adam dumped the bag at the bottom of the stairs; Matt dumped his coat on top and followed his father and the smell of Chinese take-away towards the kitchen.

Dave, a colleague of Adam’s, was busy taking tin foil containers out of the oven with a tea-towel and putting them on a tray. Three plates, three forks and a collection of spoons were sitting on the dining room table along with glasses and several bottles of beer.

‘Hi Matt, good journey?’ Dave called out from the kitchen.

‘Not bad thanks,’ Matt replied sitting down at the table, opening a bottle and dividing it between three glasses.

‘Hope you’re hungry, your father’s bought enough for ten people.’

‘Starving!’ 

‘He’s a student, he’s always hungry,’ Adam remarked to Dave.

Dave came through and put the loaded tray onto the table, then sat down next to Matt. All three proceeded to take the lids off the various containers then serve themselves and each other with the food. The dining room chatter was a mix of high level mathematics, medium level academic bitching and low-level gossip about members of the faculty of mathematics and physics at the University. 

Changing the subject suddenly Adam said,

‘Oh, by the way Matt, I’ve invited a few of the students and tutors around tomorrow night for drinks, will you help me with a bit of shopping tomorrow, first thing.’

‘Yeah, sure. Still serving cold pizza and warm wine?’

‘Two years of a University education and the only thing he’s learned is how to insult his father!’ Adam said melodramatically to Dave, who dutifully laughed at the joke and the cheeky expression on Matt’s face.

Sitting back replete, all three men made their way into the sitting room, Matt plonking himself down next to his father, whilst Dave, ever the organiser, brought in further supplies of drink. 

Father and son then began to catch up with events in each other’s lives over the last couple of weeks. It was hours later, when the beer had run out, before either of them noticed that Dave had toddled off upstairs to bed at some point, which told Matt all he needed to know.

‘How many are coming over tomorrow?’ Matt asked between mouthfuls of cold chicken and rice.

‘Can’t remember exactly. Mainly staff and some of the students who are staying the weekend.’

‘Anyone interesting?’

‘Dunno about interesting but there’s one chap you should meet, Ben. He’s a bit older than the rest of them but he is very bright. You’ll like him.’

‘Oh yes? Why the age difference?’

‘I believe he was ill for a couple of years so he had to spend time catching up. Some kind of leukaemia. I think. He joined us a couple of semester’s ago, I think he’ll be a real asset to the department.’

They talked on until Matt started yawning and looked at his watch.

‘I’m going to bed,’ he said, standing up and swaying a little.

Automatically Adam anchored him until he got his balance back. He slung an arm companionably across Matt’s shoulders as they turned the lights off and made for the stairs.

‘Good night, old man,’ Adam said, outside his bedroom door, before dropping a kiss on the top of his head and making his way into his darkened bedroom.

‘’Night Dad,’ Matt yawned, continuing up to his own room on the top floor. 

Almost too tired to think straight he used the loo, splashed his face with water, shrugged out of his clothes and landed on his bed, asleep before his head touched the pillow.

The next day was spent shopping for food and booze and getting the house as presentable as it ever got before the first guests began to arrive. 

By ten the party was in full swing. Matt had been acting as unofficial barman, which also enabled him to chat-up the students and decide if any of them were his type. 

‘Ah Matt,’ his father said, leading another student into the kitchen. ‘I’d like you to meet Ben.’

‘Hi Ben,’ Matt said cheerily, whilst serving Professor Ziminski. 

He turned to Ben intending to ask what he wanted to drink and stopped dead, staring. He felt has if he knew Ben but he also knew, at the same time, that he had never seen this man before. And what a man! Ben was tall, with broad shoulders, pale-skinned and dark haired with the most intensely dark eyes Matt had ever encountered.

Adam grinned at the stunned expression on his son’s face.

‘I think Ben would like a drink, Matt,’ he said, bringing him back to earth.

‘What? Oh! Oh yes, sorry! What do you want?’

‘What do you recommend?’ Ben asked, his voice pleasant with a slight West Country burr in it.

‘The beer’s not bad.’

‘Sounds fine to me.’

‘That’s the door again, I’ll leave you to it, then,’ Adam said, disappearing, once again, into the crush of people.

Matt opened another bottle and poured some into a clean glass.

‘There you are.’

‘Thanks.’

‘I know this is going to sound very cheesy, but, do I know you?’

Ben lifted an eyebrow and coolly appraised the young man in front of him, seeing slightly too long brown hair, framing hazel eyes in a cheeky face.

‘I don’t think so,’ he replied at length. ‘Are you at the University here?’

‘No! Don’t think it would look good if I were here with Dad teaching me.’

‘Matthew Brake?’

‘Yes.’

‘Oh, now I understand! I’m sorry I didn’t realise you're Adam’s son.’

‘So which course are you actually doing?’ Matt asked, coming out from behind the table and steering Ben towards the door to the garden. As it was a fine night the door was open with some partygoers spilling out into the darkened garden. He knew he’d found his companion for the evening, and unless his internal radar was letting him down, he could sense interest from Ben.

‘I started out doing applied maths and then went onto astrophysics, that’s how I met your father,’ Ben replied, following the shorter man towards the garden.

 

Matt and Ben had been talking for hours, getting steadily more inebriated whilst debating current theories in physics. Matt found Ben to be at least his equal in intellect, and was thoroughly enjoying himself. Ben, he found, also had a dry sense of humour, one very much to his taste. 

By this point they were sitting side by side on the lawn in the semi-darkness, or more accurately leaning against each other to stop themselves sliding down onto the cool grass. They were the only ones still outside, the night having grown chilly. However, neither man had noticed the temperature change. 

Matt stared up into the fathomless eyes above him, immediately losing his train of thought. Ben obligingly lowered his head and touched his lips to Matt’s in a soft kiss. Matt sighed and wound his arm around Ben’s neck pulling him down into more prolonged contact. Ben had a sweet taste, overlaid with the hoppy taste of the beer he had been drinking. They lay on the grass, Matt turning over and resting his weight against the bigger man, just kissing each other for a long time, both content with their slow explorations of each other’s bodies. 

Matt had unbuttoned Ben’s shirt and was starting on his jeans when Ben’s hand covered his, effectively stopping him. Ben swallowed hard.

‘Think we’d better stop there,’ he whispered breathlessly.

‘What?’ Matt said, appalled. He could feel Ben’s burning hot arousal pulsing against his hand. There was no mistake here; Ben wanted him as much as he wanted Ben.

Ben leaned in to kiss him again before saying,

‘It doesn’t seem quite right to be invited to a party by Professor Brake and then tumble his son on the back lawn!’

‘How about tumbling his son in bed?’

Ben’s eyes narrowed as Matt surged up and kissed him hard. Kisses filled with longing and the promise of his body.

‘Do you want to?’ Matt asked, panting.

Ben moulded Matt’s hand to his groin, pushing into his warm palm. His eyes fluttering closed as Matt knowingly massaged the bulge there.

‘Do you want me?’ Matt whispered in his ear. 

Ben’s reply was a soft moan and then a whispered,

‘Need you ask?’

Matt kissed him gently.

‘Come on then!’

He pulled Ben to his feet and went towards the kitchen door but Ben pulled him back.

‘Er, we’re going to look a little obvious in there.’

‘Don’t worry. They’ll all be too busy with each other by now to notice us,’ Matt assured him.

Ben wasn’t totally convinced until they were half way up the second flight of stairs. Indeed, no-one had spared them a second glance, as if it were an every day occurrence to see the Professor’s son, in an obviously aroused state, towing good-looking young men by the hand, in the same state, upstairs.

 

Ben woke suddenly. First of all he couldn’t work out where he was. The bedroom was unfamiliar as was the hand and arm stretched possessively across his chest. The pattern of breathing next to his ear told him his bedmate was still asleep. Matt. Matthew Brake was the other head on the pillow. 

Ben smiled into the darkness remembering the healthy, lustful exercise of a few hours before then his bladder chimed in for attention. Carefully he wriggled out from under the arm, found his jeans by the dim light filtering through the curtains and then braved the dark corridor. The bathroom was just opposite. When he’d finished he splashed water on his face and gave himself a quick wash all over, trying to tone down the combined scent of sex and sweat. He swilled toothpaste around his mouth as well, attempting to freshen up his mouth. Checking his watch he decided to go back to bed as it was still early and his head was still spinning a little from the alcohol the night before. Carefully he shut the bedroom door, ditched his jeans and tried to get unobtrusively back into the bed, but his absence had already been subconsciously noted by Matt who immediately reached for Ben, resting his head on Ben’s shoulder. Ben smiled and dropped a kiss onto Matt’s hair, sleepily Matt opened his eyes and looked up at him, gave him a blindingly sweet smile then snuggled down to sleep again. Ben wrapped his arms around the slender form and slept.  
The next time he awoke he was alone in the bed. The sound of running water from the bathroom told him where Matt had gone. A few seconds later he was back. Matt hadn’t even bothered to don underpants for his dash to the loo. 

‘Morning,’ Matt said, diving onto the bed and claiming his mouth in a sizzling kiss.

Ben wrapped his arms around him, returning the pleasant greeting, with interest.

‘Good morning to you too,’ he replied when he could. 

Matt grinned at him and rolled on top of him. Ben parted his legs, bending his right leg at the knee so Matt could lie comfortably between them. 

It didn’t take long between the insistent pressure of the hardness digging into his groin and the breathless kisses he was enjoying for him to come to full erection too. Both were too busy with each other to notice the door hadn’t been properly shut when Matt had come back from the loo. 

Neither did they notice when Adam pushed open the door, about to ask Matt if he wanted a coffee, then just as quickly, and very quietly, pull it shut at the sight on the bed. Hurriedly he tip-toed back downstairs. He didn’t have a problem with his son bringing lovers back to his room, even if, technically, he was under the age of consent for homosexual sex, he just didn’t particularly want to know all the details!

A little later on Adam bellowed up the stairs,

‘Matt, breakfast is ready!’

By this point Ben was tenderly concentrating on keeping Matt writhing on the edge of orgasm, for as long as possible, by use of the twin ministrations of his mouth licking and sucking his copiously weeping erection and two fingers inside him massaging his prostate with a touch as gentle as an angel’s wing. 

Unfortunately Adam’s shout distracted him for a crucial couple of seconds. Matt’s yell as he came hard was just about audible to his father two flights below them. Adam grinned as he walked back into the kitchen.

Ben pulled himself up to lie beside a quivering and panting Matt. He took him into his arms and held him until his breathing slowed.

‘Do you want breakfast?’ Matt asked, eventually.

‘Just had mine, thanks,’ Ben replied, kissing him deeply.

Matt tried to laugh and kiss at the same time, not an entirely successful combination of actions. Leaning back Ben joined in with his laughter, his eyes crinkling at the edges in a very attractive manner and, at the same time making Matt aware of a sizable problem which required his undivided attention. 

Matt’s face immediately lost much of its merriment, his expression transforming to one of heavy lidded lust. It would be a few minutes before he was capable again but, as the saying went, there was definitely more than one way to skin a cat. 

Matt squeezed a generous dollop of lube into his hand, held it for a few seconds to warm it then liberally coated Ben’s hot and heavy cock, his eyes never leaving Ben’s eyes. Matt turned on his side, throwing a sultry come hither look over his shoulder at Ben, who nearly came on the spot at the look of blatant invitation on his face and in the way he had arranged his body. He grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him down onto his back on the bed.

‘Where did you learn that?’ he asked, pushing Matt’s legs towards his chest.

‘Here and there,’ Matt replied, grinning.

‘You are an absolute tart!’

Matt grinned even more. ‘And you love it!’ he taunted.

Ben surged forward entering him in one stroke. Matt’s back arched and he gasped at the sudden intrusion.

‘And you love that!’ Ben replied gently, staying absolutely still.

Matt, his eyes closed, groaned softly in appreciation.

Ben settled himself, sliding his hands under Matt’s shoulders and leaning forward.

‘OK?’ he asked.

Matt nodded, his eyes still closed all his attention focussed inward on the delicious sensations.

‘Look at me?’ Ben asked.

Slowly Matt’s eyes flickered open, they were glassy and unfocussed. He reached up and twined his arms around Ben’s neck pulling him down for a kiss. Ben started to move gently watching Matt’s face for the reaction he wanted. When Matt’s eyes fluttered shut again and he gasped, Ben kept hitting that magic button inside his lover. 

A little while later Matt’s face creased up in an expression of pained pleasure, his internal muscles squeezing and massaging Ben to his own stunning climax.

Twenty minutes later Matt and Ben made their way downstairs, both still a little damp from their shared shower. Ben had been a little worried about facing Adam across the breakfast table, but Matt told him not to worry, Adam was cool about things like that.

The scene downstairs was like the aftermath of any student party. Bodies, in various states of wakefulness, still littering the lounge floor, whilst the more hardy were in the dining room helping themselves from a stack of toast, eggs and bacon being prepared by a couple of students and lecturers.

Adam smiled at them both from his vantage point of an armchair, nursing a cup of coffee, whilst continuing his conversation with the three students sitting at his feet.

Matt and Ben ate in silence, the conversation around them covering their lack. It was difficult to have the kind of conversation they wanted to when surrounded by other people and Ben was finding it uncomfortable with Matt’s father sitting a few feet away from him. As soon as he decently could, he took his leave. 

Standing at the front door looking down into Matt’s face and not kissing him was the most difficult thing Ben thought he’d ever done.

‘Are you free next weekend?’ Matt asked, hopefully.

‘Don’t know yet, I’ve got possible plans.’

‘Oh! OK then,’ Matt replied, his face falling.

An awkward silence descended.

‘Well, I suppose I might see you again at one of Dad’s parties.’

‘If he ever invites me to another one,’ Ben snorted.

‘I told you, he’s cool about me having a sex life.’

Ben shook his head, knowing his own father, had he survived, would never have been happy with his son bringing his boyfriends back home.

Ben looked away then looked back at Matt.

‘Look, I’m not giving you the brush off about next weekend, I really have got something half arranged.’

Matt shrugged. ‘You don’t need to explain, but tell me one thing, are you seeing anyone else?’

Ben laughed, ‘No. You?’

‘No.’

‘OK then.’ 

He made the mistake of looking into Matt’s eyes again. Equal measures of hope and lust shone from their hazel depths. Ben put his head back and groaned, then pushed Matt back inside the house, away from prying eyes in the street, kissing him hard, their arms wrapped around each other, their bodies pressing tightly together.

‘I’ve got to go!’ Ben gasped, pulling out of Matt’s grasp. ‘I’ve really got to go, I’m meeting someone and I don’t want to be late.’

‘Oh!’

‘A friend. Six friends in fact. I told you, I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. Alright?’

‘OK,’ Matt replied.

Ben took one more last look before leaving quickly.

Matt watched him stride down the garden path, without looking back, then the slowly and thoughtfully shut the front door, leaning against it, deep in thought.

‘Matt? You alright?’ Adam asked.

‘What? Yes, fine.’

‘Has Ben gone?’

Matt nodded.

Adam put his head on one side, asking a silent question.

‘I hope so,’ Matt replied.

Adam raised his eyebrows, asking another. Matt laughed, blushed and ran back upstairs to his bedroom. 

Ben wasn't by any means his first lover, Matt had had several partners in the past few years, a couple of girls but mainly men, especially since he had left home and gone to University. Ben wasn't even his first crush. That honour belonged to a teacher of his when he was twelve. He knew next to nothing about Ben, but he did know he really, really liked him and desperately, almost pathetically, wanted to see him again.

 

Matt knew his concentration was wasn't all it should be when he realised that he had been sitting in a study room in the library day dreaming and staring out of a window for an hour and a half whilst ostensibly working on a calculation which should have taken him no more than half an hour to get through. 

In future, he told himself sternly, save those kind of day dreams for when he wouldn't have to walk through the University back to the halls of residence. He shifted uncomfortably, trying to ease himself in his suddenly overtight jeans. 

Grimly he focussed on the mathematical problem in front of him, even when his mind started to wander as he got through to the easy bits, he pulled himself up. He might never see Ben again, so it was useless to build castles in the air until they had at least spoken again. 

He had spent exactly one night with the guy, neither of them had been stone cold sober when they had started fooling around and ended up in bed, and he knew Ben had been incredibly uncomfortable with his physics and personal tutor being Matt's father and Adam knowing with whom and how his son had spent Saturday night and Sunday morning, and what's more being comfortable and accepting of the idea. It didn't take a genius to guess that Ben's parents didn't have the same open-minded attitude to his sexuality, if they even knew.

By ten past seven Matt had had enough of trying to think and hope at the same time and not doing either particularly well. His head ached and he was hungry. Wearily he dragged himself back to his room in the halls of residence, then, on the way there, remembered he needed to visit the local late night shop and buy some food if he wanted to eat that night.

Shopping done he let himself into the communal kitchen and made himself a scratch meal of beans on toast with cheese on the top. Sitting back with a cup of tea he spotted the pile of unsorted mail in the cage behind the door. He emptied the cage onto the hall table and then checked through in case there was anything for him. A bank statement, detailing just how much he was overdrawn, and a letter, addressed in an unfamiliar hand, were the only items for him. 

Returning to his cooling tea with the letter he sat and carefully slit it open. As he took out the single sheet of paper, three roughly printed card tickets fell onto the table as well. He spread the sheet of paper open and read:-

Dear Matt

I'm going to be pretty busy this weekend helping out these guys, I had promised them my help a few weeks ago and I'm not going to let them down, besides which I get paid for doing this! They're doing three gigs over in your neck of the woods; one at the student union on Friday and then two more at a pub down the road from the Uni. I'll be there for all three gigs so if you want to turn up to any or all, please feel free.

Ben

P.S. If you can't see me I'll probably be back-stage, just ask any of the lads in the band for Ben Abeleyard.

Matt re-read the letter twice before the meaning sunk in. Ben was asking him out and not just for one night either, all weekend! A huge grin split his face, startling another of his fellow students who had wandered into the kitchen.

‘Matt? Are you alright?’ Kim asked.

‘I'm fine!’ he replied, scuttling off to his room and ignoring the cry of,

‘Hey, you've left your washing up!’

This was Tuesday night, suddenly Friday evening seemed to be a long, long way away.

 

Matt spent quite a while getting ready on Friday evening, so much so he got to the students union hall a little later than he envisioned. However, spotting Ben almost immediately compensated him for his timekeeping. 

He was helping another man position a speaker, his dark hair was in disarray, his shirt almost completely unbuttoned, and he didn't actually look to be in the best of moods but he looked hot and very desirable to Matt, who was enjoying the view. 

He jumped lightly down from the stage and was coming towards the back of the hall when a large body blocked Matt's view.

‘Gig doesn't start for another hour and a half,’ the man mountain stated.

‘Jez, it's OK, that's Matt,’ Ben shouted.

‘Oh! You'd better come in then,’ Jez said, looking him over carefully then slowly standing aside to let Matt into the hall.

Ben smiled as he walked towards Matt. He raised his hand as if to caress his cheek but guilty aborted the gesture at the last moment. No use expecting a kiss then, Matt thought to himself.

‘Do you want to give us a hand? Sooner we get this lot set up the sooner we can grab a pint and have chat.’

‘OK,’ Matt agreed, wondering, at the back of his mind, if this was the reason for the invitation, they needed a free roadie.

It didn't take long to assemble the equipment, most of the work already having been done. Then another member of the band took over for the sound check. 

Ben drew Matt back to stand behind the speakers at the very back of the hall, where they were completely hidden from virtually everywhere else.

‘Thought the best place to stand was in the middle, with this arrangement,’ Matt said.

‘Only if you want to listen to the music,’ Ben replied, drawing him into a slow, sensuous kiss.

Warmth from Ben's bare chest burned though his shirt, branding his own skin with heat and mindless desire. Matt didn't care where they were; he didn't want this ever to end. Ben's hands roaming over his body, squeezing his buttocks and pulling him impossibly closer told a similar story.

‘Don't suppose your digs are near by, are they?’ Ben asked hopefully, kissing his way down his neck, pushing his shirt out of the way and following the outline of his collar bones with his lips.

‘Not that near,’ Matt murmured, flicking open the button on Ben's jeans and lowering the zipper.

Ben pulled back a little and looked at Matt.

‘You're kidding, right?’

‘How long do you think you can last?’ Matt asked, going after his goal with single-minded intensity.

Ben smiled before drawing in a quick deep breath.

‘With you doing that, about thirty seconds,’ Ben muttered.

‘How long’s the sound check?’

A breathless, ‘’bout ten minutes,’ was the extent of his reply.

‘Got time for a couple of these, then,’ Matt said, grinning wolfishly.

Ben finished wiping his hand on the tissue and dropped it on the floor.

‘Litter bug,’ Matt whispered, resting his forehead against his chest.

‘You carry it around with you all night. Be my guest,’ Ben replied holding Matt close between his legs and leaning his head back against the wall.

Matt licked a droplet of sweat from amongst the dark hairs on his chest, kissed the spot then lay his cheek against the area, listening to Ben's heartbeat slowing down to normal. 

For a few minutes they drifted, listening to the slightly muffled music and enjoying the closeness. Abruptly the music stopped, and chatter broke out on the stage.

‘Ben! We're going to get a pint before we start. Ben!’

‘OK, be right with you, I want to check something out back here first,’ Ben shouted back.

‘Alright, see you in the bar.’

The sound of departing feet hammering across the stage and then a slam of the door announced they were alone for the next few minutes at least.

Ben pulled Matt closer and rested his head against the top of his head. Matt snuggled into Ben's neck breathing in his scent and the luxuriating in the feel of his skin on his face. Both of them were almost asleep on their feet when the stage door slammed back on its hinges hard, jerking them back to wakefulness.

‘Ben, your pint's on the bar. Do you want any help back there?’ A voice yelled from the stage.  
Ben covered his laughter with difficulty.

‘No, I can manage thanks. Be with you in a mo.’

Matt looked into his face laughing silently. Swiftly he bent and kissed a nipple then pulled away and began to put his clothing back into respectable order, Ben doing the same. He leaned down when he'd finished and kissed Matt softly. 

‘Do you have anywhere to stay tonight?’ Matt asked.

‘The Uni is letting us share a couple of rooms on campus somewhere, otherwise it's sleeping in the van with the gear.’

‘Stay, with me?’

‘That a proposition?’

‘Yeah, I'll take the bed and breakfast charge in services rendered.’

‘You only want me for my body.’

‘What else would I want you for?’ Matt asked, feigning surprise.

Ben laughed, mock punched him and then slung an arm across his shoulders as they headed out of the empty hall together.

The band weren’t at all bad Matt acknowledged as he was standing at the back listening to them belt out some good rock and roll numbers. 

Their previous trysting place having been purloined by another couple, they made do with Matt standing in front and Ben leaning his arms on Matt’s shoulders. In a fairly sheltered environment like the University campus Ben was a little more relaxed than usual in showing affection in public, but still nowhere near as uninhibited as Matt.

After the gig, with Matt’s help it took less time than normal to dismantle the gear and stow it in the van. Even though the University car park was patrolled at all times they still parked the van with its doors against the wall so anyone breaking in would have difficulty getting any of the big pieces of equipment out.

Fozzy, the lead singer, asked,

‘Right Matt, which curry house is the best one around here?’

‘Most of them are pretty good,’ Matt said.

‘Take us to your favourite place, bearing in mind we’re probably poorer than you students.’

‘Hah!’ Matt eloquently replied, then looking at Ben under his eyelashes. ‘Down here, the Sher-e-Punjab does good food and it’s pretty cheap.’

He and Ben hung at the back of the group, Matt directing them when necessary. He acknowledged that food might be a good idea, as he hadn’t eaten all day and he had been drinking a fair bit during the gig.  
Neither touched each other, they simply walked side by side. 

At the restaurant they managed to sit next to each other, talking and laughing with the rest of the group. When they’d ordered food Ben rested his hand lightly on Matt’s thigh. It didn’t take long before his hand drifted down to join it, their fingers entwining. 

The drummer, Ken, got up to use the loo before the curries arrived, as he returned he noticed the way Ben and Matt were sitting then saw their joined hands and smiled, saying nothing. After the meal they headed back to the campus to locate their accommodation for the evening.

‘Where is your place from here?’ Ben asked, sotto voce.

‘About ten minutes walk from the student union building.’

‘Is there anywhere to park?’

‘Yeah, why?’

‘We’ll drive, get there quicker,’ Ben said.

Fozzy consulted the written directions he’d been given and pointed out where they should all be going. He turned back and said to the stragglers,

‘Meet you at the Red Lion no later than four o’clock tomorrow afternoon. You know where you’re going, don’t you?’

‘Er, yeah,’ Ben replied, wondering how they already knew he was intending to stay with Matt.

‘See you tomorrow then guys,’ he said, walking away.

Confused Ben stared after them, until Ken turned around and winked at them both.

Matt had already gathered they knew he was with Ben and was anxiously watching his expression.

‘You alright with them knowing?’ he asked.

Ben grinned. 

‘It’s not a problem,’ he said, pulling Matt in close for a kiss. 

A chorus of shrieks and wolf whistles greeted their little show. Ben’s answer was a middle digit, rampant, waved in their direction.

‘At least one of us is getting some tonight!’ Freddy remarked crudely.

Ben could see Matt flush, even under the sodium light.

‘More to the point, are you alright with them knowing?’ he asked quietly. ‘We’re both going to get teased, big time, about this tomorrow.’

Matt stared into his dark eyes and nodded. He was more than alright with everyone knowing.

They made love for hours, slept and then made love again. Matt was sore, Ben was feeling tender all over but still they couldn’t get enough of each other. They shared quiet conversations, tender looks and touches until Ben’s stomach rumbled making Matt giggle.

‘Think someone wants feeding.’

‘Think you’re right. And I bet we’re going to have to go shopping first, aren’t we?’ Ben asked.

‘I can manage to make you a sandwich and a cup of coffee, black though, think the milk’s gone off.’

‘I’m impressed you’ve got the makings a sandwich. It’s usually an emergency trip to the off-license at our place.’

Matt returned balancing two plates with doorstep sized sandwiches on them then went back for the coffee.

‘Mmm, breakfast in bed!’

‘More like lunch, it’s quarter past twelve,’ Matt said, getting back into bed with Ben.

‘What is this?’ Ben asked, turning over the top slice and bread and surveying the contents.

‘Try, then I’ll tell you,’ Matt told him, taking a huge bite out of his own supplies.

Gingerly Ben bit into the bread and chewed. 

‘It’s not too bad,’ he said, surprised. He took a bigger bite. ‘What is it? I can taste stilton, what’s the rest of it?’

‘Stilton, brie, honey, walnuts and pickled cucumber,’ Matt replied with difficulty around a mouthful of the mixture. ‘And there’s a bit of marmite on the bread as well.’

Ben looked at his sandwich in respect.

‘I think I can safely say, I’ve never had one of those before,’ he said, taking another bite. He was very hungry and despite the odd list of ingredients it tasted rather good. Finishing every crumb he leaned back against the wall behind him, Matt flowing into his arms like he belonged there.

‘Well we’ve got a choice before us.’

Matt looked up interested, as Ben continued, 

‘We can either stay in bed and go to sleep, or go shopping for some food, because if we’re going to carry on like this I need to keep my strength up or,’ he paused and kissed Matt’s full lips, savouring the taste, ‘we can stay in bed and make love again, oh hormonal one.’

‘Me? Hormonal!’ Matt slapped his chest. ‘It’s all your fault I can’t keep my hands off you.’

‘How do you work that one out?’ Ben asked, rubbing his stinging skin and laughing.

‘You shouldn’t turn me on so much if you don’t want to take the consequences.’

‘Matt my love, you’ve just turned nineteen, watching paint dry could turn you on as much!’

Matt tried to look annoyed but ended up laughing. ‘You’re only four years older than me, you still haven’t reached your sexual peak.’

‘What?’

‘Men don’t reach their sexual peak until they’re twenty-five, you’ve got two years to go!’

Ben flopped back on the pillow, saying in a hollow voice,

‘Oh god! I’ll never survive a twenty-five year old Matthew Brake, at his sexual peak.’

Matt thumped him with a pillow. ‘You’re not doing much of a job surviving a nineteen year old one!’

Ben grabbed him and rolled him over until he was underneath his body.

‘Right, we’ll see about that,’ and proceeded to tickle him which soon had him begging for mercy.

 

They decided to get out and buy some food. Matt didn’t really want to leave the bed but knew both of them would be very hungry tomorrow morning and Sunday was a difficult day to buy food. They just had time to get showered, to the supermarket and then changed and off to the Red Lion for the prescribed time.

Saturday evening and Sunday passed in a haze of lust and hot loving and music. Suddenly it was very early Monday morning and Matt was looking into his lover’s eyes, both of them exhausted, both needing sleep badly but neither one wanting to break the spell.

‘Are we going make this a regular thing?’ Ben whispered.

‘Seeing each other or dying of orgasms and exhaustion?’

‘All of it, I hope, but I was talking about seeing each other. Are you free next weekend?’

‘I’ll have to consult my social secretary but I think I can fit you in,’ Matt replied, keeping his face straight.

‘Don’t strain yourself!’ Ben replied.

‘Oh, I won’t,’ then he yelped as Ben dealt him a stinging slap on his bottom. ‘Don’t, that’s sore enough as it is,’ he pleaded, half laughing as Ben soothed the sting with his hand.

‘So, you’re up for trying out a relationship with me?’ Ben persisted. ‘Because if you’re not I want to know now, before I get in any deeper.’

Matt bit his tongue on the smart remark he was going to make, searching out any hidden meanings in that sentence. It almost sounded as if Ben were telling him he was falling in love with him.

‘Don’t you like one night stands?’

‘Sometimes,’ Ben admitted. ‘But this isn’t one of them.’

 

Matt nodded, not trusting himself to speak, suddenly overwhelmed by the emotions he was feeling.

‘Just promise me one thing.’

‘Anything,’ Matt croaked.

‘If you want to go off with someone else, tell me first.’

Matt couldn’t ever imagine a scenario where he would want to go near another man, not now he had this beautiful, enigmatic creature in his life and his bed.

‘I wouldn’t do that to you,’ Matt assured him. ‘But I promise. You do the same.’

‘I promise.’ Ben continued looking into his eyes.

Matt felt as if he were seeing into his soul. Then Ben said,

‘It’s a bit serious for this time of the morning, isn’t it?’

Matt nodded, not taking his eyes off the beloved face in front of him.

‘Give me a kiss and a smile and let’s go to sleep,’ Ben said, smiling, winning an answering smile out him Matt plus the requested kiss.

 

The pattern of their lives was set for the next few weeks. Weekdays they both worked at their studies, weekends were used to spend as much time together as possible. Ben tended to work a lot of weekends, he said he needed the money. As the end of this semester drew near Matt was worried, thinking that Ben would go back to spend the time with his family. Finally he broached the subject.

‘Are you going home for the Christmas break?’

‘No. Why?’

‘Oh, you know Christmas, family times, I just thought you would be seeing your family, that’s all.’

‘Trying to get rid of me?’

‘Not at all! I’d try and wangle an invitation to go with you.’

Ben smiled before saying,

‘My mother would love you, not sure about Simon though.’

‘Who’s Simon?’

‘My brother.’

‘Didn’t know you had siblings.’

‘Sibling, singular. He’s my twin.’

‘Identical?’

Ben nodded. ‘Very identical. I wouldn’t take you within a mile of Simon, he’d be after you himself.’

‘He’s gay as well?’

‘More bi,’ he replied then a crafty smile spread over his face.

‘Now that’s an idea. Simon can keep you tired out during the week and I can take over at weekends….’

Matt interrupted,

‘You keep me tired out enough, thank you. And I’m not into sharing, not even with your twin brother.’

Ben smiled broadly.

‘Are your Mum and Simon coming to see you here?’

Ben’s face lost its smile.

‘Family problems. Make’s it difficult for us to get together and Mum isn’t well. She doesn’t seem to remember she’s got two sons, living. She thinks I’m the ghost of Anthony. He died when he was a few months old, from meningitis. It upsets us both. She couldn’t even come to see me when I was in the hospital for months and Simon didn’t dare leave her on her own for too long.’

‘How long were you in hospital?’

‘Nearly ten months, altogether.’

‘On your own all that time?’

‘You get used to it. I was too ill a lot of the time to cope with visitors anyway.’

Matt pulled Ben into his arms. He didn’t like to think of how much pain and suffering he’d gone through, and alone.

‘Are you and your Dad going anywhere for Christmas?’ Ben asked, changing the subject away from himself.

‘Dad’s going off with Dave on the first couple of weeks. Conference in Toronto.’

‘Very nice. Good work if you can get it.’

‘So I’m in the house on my own. How do you fancy moving in with me?’

‘I’m sure you father will be well pleased when he gets back from Toronto and finds his son’s boyfriend installed in there!’

‘He’ll be fine about it. He asked if you were moving in until next term.’

‘He did?’

‘He did. He likes you. He’s pleased I’m with you.’

Ben shook his head.

‘Do you have any idea how lucky you are having a father like that?’

‘Having a father like Adam and boyfriend like you, oh yes, I know,’ Matt smiled down at him and kissed him. Ben rolled them both so he was on top. Then he broke the kiss and looked down into Matt’s face, tenderly stroking his hair away from his face.

‘I love you,’ he whispered.

‘I know,’ Matt replied, smugly, fastening his lips over Ben’s and not letting him up for air. Eventually Ben fought him off briefly to say,

‘I’ve got a job lined up over Christmas.’

‘What?’

‘I need the money Matt! I haven’t got a well off family, I have to fend for myself.’

‘Where is it?’

Matt was appalled, he didn’t think he could survive not seeing Ben for the four weeks between terms.

‘It’s helping out in a repair shop, Lazeby and Sons, in the high street.’

‘That’s about fifteen minutes walk from Dad’s.’

‘I know.’ Ben was confused at Matt's surprised tone.

‘I thought you meant you were working away all over Christmas!’ Matt explained. ‘I thought I wouldn’t see you.’

‘Oh no! I’ll be there. In fact, if it works out, they may keep me on after the holidays. I wouldn’t be travelling around with the lads from the band every other weekend, it’s more money as well.’

‘So we get to spend more time together?’

‘It’ll have to be over here, but yes, we can spend more time together.’

Matt’s smile could have lit up the Albert Hall.

‘Last gig with the lads is Friday night, you want to go? It’s a bit of a trek, and it’ll be sleeping in the car, so be warned.’

‘’Course I’ll go,’ Matt replied. He would have gone anywhere just to be near Ben, he needed him as a plant needs sunshine and water.

 

Ben hadn’t been kidding about the last gig. It was in a grotty looking pub called The Tin Whistle. Even by student standards it looked rough and it had taken two and a half hours to get there. 

The town centre was grim and run-down. Ben took one look around and decided he and Matt were going back home that night. They caught each other’s eye, each having the same single thought; they were not staying here. 

Quickly, all eight of them set to work unloading and assembling the equipment. The inside of the pub was, surprisingly, not too bad. The lighting was just right and the stage area was reasonably sized too. 

Matt started to calm down once the band began to sing. He and Ben were standing to the side of the huge bar so they could talk. After the first set finished Fozzy led the exodus to the bar, checking with Ben as to how they were sounding. 

Half an hour later it was time for the next set. Ben and Matt continued talking, their heads close together so they could hear each other above the music. They were so wrapped up in each other they never even saw the belligerent bloke who had been watching them. He sauntered over, swaying a little, and shoved Ben so his back was against the wall.

‘We don’t like your sort in ‘ere!’ he growled.

‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Matt said loudly.

‘Shut the fuck up, I’m talking to yer boyfriend.’

Ben now knew which way this was going to go.

‘I think you’d better go outside and get some fresh air mate, I think you’ve had a bit much.’

The man’s expression turned ugly.

‘Asking me outside, are ye?’

‘You must be joking! I do have standards,’ Ben snarled back.

The man pulled his arm back and clumsily tried to punch Ben in the face. Ben simply ducked under the blow and followed it up with a powerful punch to his stomach which doubled him over. That seemed to be the signal for the rest of the pub to pitch in as well. Ben tried his best to keep watch over Matt as well as watch for any stray punches heading his way. 

Seconds later the music stopped suddenly as the band waded in to give their roadies a hand. Matt was doing pretty well looking after himself, he was wiry and fit and landed some good hits. A few minutes later a sea of black uniforms descended and broke up the fight. They grabbed hold of anyone who was fighting, pushing them all into a black maria and taking them away. 

Down at the local nick they were unloaded and processed, looked over by the FME and lastly interviewed by a uniformed sergeant. Ben had made it very clear he wanted to press charges against the other man.

‘OK. What was the fight about?’ he asked Ben, bored with asking the same question.

‘Not a clue. I was having a drink with my friend; we were just talking. This bloke wandered across and told me he didn’t want our sort in that pub.’

‘Your sort?’

Ben shrugged. ‘I thought he was talking about students. Matt and myself are students and we help out the lads in the band on a weekend.’

The sergeant made a face and asked,

‘Who threw the first punch?’

‘The other bloke, it wasn’t us.’

‘Could you identify him again?’

‘Oh yes!’

‘Do you know his name?’

‘Never seen him before in my life.’

The sergeant nodded.

‘Are you and Matt good friends?’

‘Yes. Why?’

‘How close are you?’

‘What has that to do with anything?’ Ben asked.

‘Listen son, I don’t have a problem with homosexuality but David John Bairstow does. That’s the bloke who tried to sort you and your boyfriend out. Being openly gay maybe acceptable at University but this is a very working class community and that pub has a very anti-gay reputation. For a bunch of stone age slobs, Dave Bairstow and his mates have gaydar that can a pick out a queer from fifty yards. Get my drift?’

‘Get out of town and don’t come back?’ Ben asked, raising his eyebrow.

‘Ay, summat o’ t’sort. I’m giving you that advice because I don’t want to hear about any of my lads picking up your broken, bloodied bodies and taking them to hospital or even worse, to the morgue.’

‘Gay bashing is supposed to be against the law.’

‘Ay, it is. Dave Bairstow is alleging you tried to proposition him and you made indecent suggestions to him. He’s being backed up by his mates as well. Though how they were supposed to hear anything being said over the row from the stage, I don’t know.’

A faint smile crossed Ben’s face at his description of the music.

‘Now then, I’ve let your mates go, and I’m letting you and your boyfriend go. But, I want you to go and pick up your gear and then leave and I wouldn’t recommend you go anywhere near that pub afterwards. Do we understand each other?’

‘I think so. What’s going to happen to Mr Bairstow? I take it he isn’t going to get charged with affray or whatever it is?’

‘That old bastard’s lived in this town for fifty-four years, he’s a builder and owns a lot of property and is pretty well off. He’ll no doubt be released on bail when he’s sobered up. Now, if you want to press charges you can go ahead but it’ll be your word against his. A pair of students against a man like that, one moreover who has some bloody unpleasant friends. Who do you think the magistrate is going to believe?’

‘The magistrate being a friend of Bairstow’s?’

‘I didn’t say that. But, he’s just had a nice new house built by Bairstow and sons.’

Ben dropped his head. Much as he would like to have seen Mr Bairstow in the dock he knew he didn’t have a hope in hell of winning.

‘So, if I leave quietly and don’t make a fuss we can all go, but if I press charges, we can’t go?’

‘You can still go, lad, whatever you choose to do, but think on this, it’s nineteen eighty three and homosexual relationships have been legal for a few years now. However, changing the law doesn’t always mean a change of attitude in some people. As I said previously, Bairstow has some unpleasant friends, and accidents are easy to arrange. I can’t arrest these friends as I have no proof of any wrong-doing against them.’

Ben opened his mouth to interrupt but the sergeant continued, 

‘One more thing, Matthew Brake is under twenty-one years of age. If you are having a sexual relationship with him, you are breaking the law. The homosexual age of consent in this country is twenty-one years of age.’ 

‘Whilst the heterosexual age of consent is sixteen.’

‘Bairstow has already pointed this out to me. He wants me to do you for corrupting a minor, at least. I don’t make the law, I just uphold it.’

‘Or the ones you agree with,’ Ben said bitterly.

‘Or maybe I’m trying to make sure a pair of students get to enjoy the rest of their lives in peace.’

The sergeant waited. Ben thought about his options. He couldn’t protect Matt twenty-four hours a day against people he didn’t know. He couldn’t fight the Bairstow’s of this world through the courts, they win every time.

‘Is Bairstow going to drop the charges against me?’

‘Matthew Brake has given his date of birth as September the first nineteen sixty-four, so unless I go to all the trouble of contacting his parents or his University I have no proof of his age.’

Ben kept his smile internal, Matt was bright enough to figure out what might happen and was trying to protect Ben accordingly.

‘Alright, I’ll do it.’

The sergeant nodded.

‘Come on through, I need you to sign a statement to the effect you are withdrawing the charges.’

He motioned Ben out of the interview room, turning off the lights as they left, and into his office. He pulled a pre-printed piece of paper out of a folder and turned it round.

‘You need to sign here and here,’ he said, pointing out the places.

‘How did you know I’d agree?’ Ben asked.

‘I didn’t.’

Sergeant Gummer pulled another sheet out of the folder and showed it to Ben, it was a list of charges against Bairstow.

‘Pick your battles lad. Make sure when you fight, you bloody well win!’

Ben looked up into the older blue eyes and then signed his name. As he returned the piece of paper he saw a framed photograph of a good-looking, smiling young man, in a police uniform. There was a degree of resemblance between the sergeant and the man in the photograph.

‘Is that your son?’

‘Aye.’

‘He followed his father’s footsteps.’

Sergeant Gummer’s harsh face softened slightly as he looked at the picture.

‘Aye, our James joined up to try and make a difference.’

‘He suits the uniform.’

‘He did that.’

The constant use of the past tense finally got through to Ben.

‘He’s not with the force any more?’

‘No. He was investigating a series of gay bashings around The Tin Whistle and someone stabbed him to death. One of Bairstow’s mates found his body.’ 

Ben could feel the colour draining from his face, Gummer’s face was completely expressionless.

‘James’ boyfriend apparently committed suicide two weeks later, he was found in his burnt out car by another one of Bairstow’s mates. It looked like he’d run it off the road and into a brick wall.’

Or had been run off the road, Ben thought to himself, and left to burn to death.

‘Like I said, lad, pick the battles you can win.’

Ben looked up into the expressionless face and said,

‘Thanks, for your advice.’

Gummer nodded. ‘Come on, I’ll take you to your friends.’

The greetings were subdued and, once back at The Tin Whistle, the packing up of equipment quick and silent. 

‘You two set off in your car and we’ll follow you,’ Fozzy told Ben, looking around the silent, dark car park.

The car started on the third attempt and they set off in a convoy. Worryingly, a dark coloured car pulled out and began to follow them as they wound through the town centre. It followed them right to the town’s furthest boundary and then stopped at the side of the road. 

Fozzy, who was driving the van, wasn’t sure if it was the police making sure they left or one of Bairstow’s chums trying for a follow-up on Matt and Ben. He sat back in relief when he saw the open road behind him with the lights of the town receding into the distance. He liked both Ben and Matt and certainly didn’t want any harm to come to them. 

Ben led them to Adam’s house. Adam had already set off for Canada leaving Matt in sole charge. Fozzy parked the van in the driveway and all six lads trooped wearily into the house.

‘You can sleep in here,’ Matt told them. ‘Help yourselves to food in the kitchen.’

‘Thanks Matt, that’s good of you. Listen, we need to be off reasonably early in the morning, we won’t bother to wake you.’

‘OK, pull the door shut after you leave then.’

‘Right,’ Fozzy smiled, ‘Come here and give us a hug then.’

Matt smiled and went willingly. They said their goodbyes to them all and then went upstairs.

 

Matt and Ben lay awake for a while after getting into bed. Ben had told them all what Sergeant Gummer had told him. Matt was having difficulty coming to terms with such attitudes and with the thought that he could have lost Ben this evening. He hugged him tightly, Ben returning the pressure. Matt turned on his side to face Ben, holding his head and trying to look into his eyes in the dark.

‘You are alright, aren’t you?’ he checked.

‘A few bruises. I’ll be fine. You OK?’ he asked, sliding his hands around Matt’s slim waist.

‘The same.’

Ben began to kiss him, with increasing urgency then stopped and looked at him.

‘That young copper was murdered, for doing this!’

‘I know.’

‘I can’t believe it!’

‘Shh!’ Matt put his fingers over Ben’s lips. ‘We’re safe here.’

‘But not everyone is…’

‘Shh! You’re safe. That’s all I care about,’ Matt said sternly.

‘But…’ 

Matt silenced him by kissing him deeply, tasting his mouth and sucking on his tongue. Ben moaned, the sound driving Matt into a frenzy. Matt wasn’t often as aggressive as this in bed but tonight he needed to be. Their love-making was neither gentle nor tender, but it served to re-affirm their place in each other’s lives.

 

By the time Adam returned Matt and Ben had recovered from their unpleasant experience and were back to their usual selves. Neither wanted to tell Adam about that last gig, giving themselves the excuse they didn’t want to worry him.

 

Christmas in the Brake household was more a celebration of friends than a family occasion. Students of Adam’s were invited to come along if they were staying at the university over the holiday period, colleagues and friends dropped in whenever they felt like it. Whenever Ben returned from work there were always a few people in the house he didn’t know. In the end, he had to take himself off to the room he was sharing with Matt in order to get any of his course work done, either there or in the University library. 

Matt seemed to have very little trouble completing his work load, of course it helped that he didn’t have to work to get any money. Ben was also working on a project of his own, one Matt didn’t even know about. He was usually careful to keep those notes out of the way. Matt was so open with his possessions and his emotions and he trusted Ben completely it would never have occurred to him that anything was being hidden from him. It was only when Matt went up to bed well after midnight and found Ben, fast asleep at his desk, that he realised he was working on something other than his course studies. 

Ben was lying across a large scale star map, with Hendricks book lying open at his elbow and a book by Paul Devereux, on earth energies, lying open in front of him. Several sheets of designs and figures were scattered all around. Curiously, Matt picked up one of the sheets covered in Ben’s handwriting and went to sit on their bed to study it. From what he could make out it was a design for a machine which could pick up extra low frequency sound waves, amplify them and then feed them back to the source. He was still studying the paper when Ben woke up.

‘Hello,’ he yawned, stretching his arms above his head. ‘What time is it?’

‘’bout twoish. What are you designing?’ Matt asked.

‘Hmmm?’

Matt got up from the bed and placed the paper he’d picked up back on the desk.

‘What’s this for?’

‘I’m doing some work on ELF anomalies around geological faults. Hence Mr Deveraux’s book.’

‘How’s that involved with Hendricks?’ Matt asked, his voice cold.

‘Wondered if there was a connection with any stellar bodies above the sites. You see most of the fault lines have some kind of ancient monument nearby, so if there were also a connection with a stellar body passing overhead that would mean the ancients were rather more advanced than we thought. Connecting geomagnetic anomalies with observation of the night skies.’ 

Ben sounded excited whilst expounding his theory, so he failed to notice the closed expression on Matt’s face and the fact Matt was silently getting undressed ready for bed.

‘Doesn’t sound particularly scientific to me, perhaps you should change courses and join one of he mumbo jumbo specialties,’ he said, cruelly.

‘I beg your pardon!’ Ben was shocked by the response. ‘What happened to an open scientific mind ready to explore the unknown, categorise and analyse, leading to an understanding? If you didn’t understand how electricity worked would you lump that in with the ‘mumbo jumbo specialties’?’ he asked angrily.

‘Don’t be silly!’ Matt snapped. ‘That’s hardly the same thing.’

‘Isn’t it? It was once. Magnetism wasn’t understood and was considered magic. I thought you, of all people, would be interested in something like this.’

‘Why me, of all people?’

‘The work your father did in Milbury? I assume you were with him.’

‘How did you know about that?’ Matt asked, sitting up in bed.

‘His data is in the library. I had a look at it; it’s dated only about five years ago. Why didn’t he ever publish his conclusions?’

‘Ask him yourself.’

‘Were you there?’

‘Mind your own business!’ Matt replied, lying back down again. The emotions and memories of those few weeks in his life were something he didn’t want to talk about, especially as he had just poured cold water on a perfectly good theory of Ben’s. 

He could hear Ben packing up his notes and slamming books closed, unexpressed anger in every sound and movement. Finally the bedroom door slammed shut and he could head footsteps retreating downstairs. Matt sat up, intending to take another look at Ben’s notes but there was nothing on the desk, it was clean and empty. Ben’s bag was gone as well.

Shit! He thought savagely to himself. Why hadn’t he just spilled the beans on what had happened in Milbury? Alright Ben might have laughed at him, probably thought he and Adam might have been imbibing illegal substances but he wouldn’t have caused this stupid argument and also rubbished Ben’s theories. That had been a cruel thing to do. But it still felt like a nightmare time, even five years down the road. All those people they’d left there, they had never been able to contact again. 

Margaret, Sandra, Jimmo even Dai the poacher. He knew his father had made discreet enquiries about Raphael Hendricks, but no-one seemed to be able to track him down. To all intents and purposes they were the lost ones, lost in the circles of time in all the different Milbury’s which existed in different time phases.

Matt lay back down wondering whether to go downstairs and apologise or wait until Ben cooled off sufficiently to come back to their bed and then apologise. Whilst trying to make up his mind he heard the front door softly close then a car start, on the third attempt. Ben’s car generally took three attempts to start. Without consciously thinking about it he grabbed a bathrobe from the back of the bedroom door and slung it on to cover his nakedness whilst hurtling, pell mell, down two flights of stairs. He wrenched open the front door and stood looking at the tail-lights of Ben’s car turning right at the end of the road. 

He couldn’t imagine where he was going to spend the rest of the night. He had given up his room, when he moved in with Matt, to save some money. Slowly Matt went back inside and sat on the settee. 

What had he done? Had he driven away the only man he’d ever loved by being bad-tempered and childish? Matt lay awake on the settee most of the night. He knew Ben was due to start work at eight o’clock so that was the first place to check. If he didn’t show up at work he didn’t know what he would do. 

Adam found his son curled up, cold and asleep, on the settee at just after nine in the morning.

‘Matt? What are you doing down here?’

‘What time is it?’

‘Just after nine. Have you been down here all night? I’m sure I saw you go up to bed.’

‘You did,’ Matt replied, swinging his legs to the floor and rubbing his face.

‘Has Ben gone to work?’

Matt licked his lips then looked at his father’s face.

‘What’s happened? Have you two had a row?’

Matt nodded. 

‘I don’t know where he is, Dad. He drove off about half two this morning. I’ve not seen him since. I don’t know what I’m going to do if he isn’t at work.’

‘It would be sensible to check he has shown up for work before leaping to any other conclusions,’ Adam said reasonably. ‘What was this row about, or is that none of my business?’

Matt looked down at the floor, shamefaced before saying,

‘Milbury.’

‘What?’

‘He’s doing some research into ELF anomalies near geological faults.’

‘Yes, I know. I’m his tutor, remember? I pointed him in the direction of the data we gathered at Milbury and suggested he might like to use it as his first year project.’

‘Oh!’

‘Come on, what happened?’

‘He started talking about a connection between geological fault lines, ancient monuments and stellar bodies, and I just sort of lost it. Told him he should change courses and join the mumbo jumbo sect.’

‘And I supposed Ben got annoyed?’ Adam asked, sitting down on the arm of the settee.

‘He was furious.’

‘Hardly surprising. He’s been doing some very good, detailed and original work on that project. He’s not as naturally gifted at mathematics as you are but he has really worked very, very hard to overcome that deficiency. And you shot down his theories like that?’

Matt nodded, miserably aware of how badly he had behaved.

Adam regarded the top of his head for a few seconds before asking,

‘Was it just because he mentioned Milbury?’

‘I think so. I was frightened when that was happening to us but it’s got worse since. All those people we couldn’t help and had to leave behind and we’ve never been able to contact them since. They’re still stuck there. Ben even had a star chart with Hendricks supernova marked on it.’

‘I know, Matt. I know.’ He put his arm around Matt’s shoulders. ‘But you can’t let events of five years ago affect your future life.’

Matt sank gratefully into the warmth of the hug.

‘You know what you need to do, don’t you?’

Matt nodded. ‘Apologise, profusely.’

‘And?’

‘And tell him what happened when we were there. That’s always assuming he wants to speak to me again,’ Matt said, despondently.

‘You won't know unless you try, will you?’

‘I’m going to get changed,’ Matt said, leaping off the settee.

Thinking quickly Adam picked up the local telephone directory and rang Lazeby’s.

‘Good morning, may I speak with Ben Abeleyard?’ he asked.

‘Just a minute, I’ll see if he’s available,’ a pleasant voiced young woman answered.

The line briefly went dead then she was back.

‘He’s a bit busy, could I take your name and get him to call you back?’

‘No, it’s OK. I’ll see him later on. Thank you so much.’

‘My pleasure, Merry Christmas, Sir.’

‘Merry Christmas to you,’ Adam replied, replacing the receiver, just as he heard Matt heading down the stairs again.

‘Matt!’

‘Yeah?’ he shouted, hanging onto the front door handle.

‘Might be a nice idea to take him something to eat. If he’s been out all night he’s going to be hungry.’

Matt nodded, shut the door and showed his father what was in his hand.

‘I found his wallet at the side of the bed. He hasn’t got any money on him,’ he said, turning very worried hazel eyes on his father.

‘Make him a sandwich then and take it to him,’ Adam said gently.

Adam made himself some toast, egg and bacon whilst Matt was busy making a couple of sandwiches. He tried not to pay too much attention to what was going into them but he just hoped Ben was used to his son’s culinary creativity!

 

When Matt was shown into the workshop and saw Ben sitting at a workbench he felt the tension leave him in a huge wave of relief. Ben looked up, gave him an appraising stare then went back to what he was doing.

‘Hi,’ Matt said.

‘Hi.’

‘I brought you some lunch.’

‘Thanks.’

‘And an apology. I shouldn’t have flown off the handle like that and I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m sorry.’

He put the packet of sandwiches down on the workbench along with Ben’s wallet.

Ben put hung the hot soldering iron on its stand and turned to look at Matt.

‘Why did you say those things?’

‘Because I was in Milbury with Dad. It frightened me then and it still does now.’

‘Frightened you?’

Matt nodded, not meeting Ben’s eyes.

‘How? What happened?’

‘Can’t really tell you here. Are…,’ he cleared his throat and asked, ‘Are you coming home after work?’

Ben picked up the soldering iron again and fixed another wire to the component he had in his hands, then put the iron back on its stand.

‘I was going to call round for my clothes after work. I’ve found somewhere else to stay.’

Matt was hurt and horrified.

‘Please don’t!’ he said softly, feeling tears gather in his eyes.

Ben made the mistake of looking into his brimming eyes and was lost.

‘Come on,’ he said, putting the component down and getting up from the bench. ‘Sid, won’t be a minute,’ he shouted across the room. An older man in a brown lab coat nodded and carried on with his work.

Ben led Matt into the tiny tea room which housed a kettle, fridge, a small table and four rather battered looking chairs.

‘Don’t cry, Matt,’ Ben said softly. ‘No-one’s died.’

‘I might if you leave me,’ Matt snuffled, wiping his eyes, which immediately filled with tears again.

‘I’m not leaving you, I just need to get out of the house for a couple of nights that’s all. I’m sleeping on Fozzy’s floor. I was a bit childish as well last night, stomping off in the middle of the night. I should have stayed and talked it out with you.’

‘Come back tonight and we can,’ Matt said, laying the flat of his hand in the centre of the Ben’s chest, feeling his heartbeat under his palm. Ben’s hand immediately covered his, holding it there. He used his other hand to try and wipe away the tears flooding Matt’s face. Then realised he was fighting a losing battle.

‘Oh Matt!’ Ben wrapped his arms around Matt and pulled him close.

‘Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me!’ Matt begged, burying his face in his neck.

Ben waited, expecting to hear the words he really wanted to hear from Matt’s lips, but all he could hear was quiet sobbing.

‘I told you. I’m not leaving you, not if you don’t want me to.’ He pulled Matt away from his neck and used both hands to brush his overlong hair away from his face. 

‘You can be bloody thoughtless sometimes, though,’ he said, looking down into the face he loved so much. ‘It’s taken me years to get to where I am. I know I’ll never be as brilliant as you or your father.’

Matt opened his mouth to protest, but Ben put his fingers on Matt’s lips. ‘Hush, let me finish. I just want to be as good as I possibly can be. Adam let me sort out that project on my own and he’s pointed me in the direction of other professors who can help me with the mathematics then you tore it to pieces in about thirty seconds last night.’

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean what I said. You mentioned Milbury, that’s what did it!’ Through his blurry vision Matt didn’t properly see the thoughtful expression which came over Ben’s face at the mention of the town.

‘You are going to tell me, from the needle to the thread, exactly what happened there, aren’t you? No secrets.’

‘I will.’

‘You promise me?’

‘I promise,’ Matt sniffed. ‘I’ll try not to be so thoughtless as well. I know you haven’t got the advantages I have.’ He stopped and sniffed again. ‘I can help you with the maths, if you want,’ he offered.

Ben smiled. He knew Matt could probably work out the calculations he needed, much more quickly.

‘I would appreciate your help but I want to do the work myself, OK.’

Matt nodded. He would have agreed to anything at the moment, to keep Ben in his life.

Ben gazed down at his face and sighed. He would never win against this face looking beseechingly up at him. 

‘Do you have any idea how much you distract me?’

‘Me, distract you? How?’

‘Just by living.’

Matt smiled through his tears, understanding what he was being told.

‘I can barely think straight sometimes when you’re in the same room as me,’ Ben told him, seriously. ‘I think about you all the time, even when I should be concentrating on something else. I could no more leave you, Matthew Brake, than I could fly!’

Matt wrapped his arms around Ben’s neck in a choking hug.

‘I missed you so much last night. I was worried sick about you,’ Matt whispered into his ear.

‘Fozzy wasn’t too impressed when I turned up at that time of night, either,’ Ben replied, sounding amused.

Matt looked into Ben’s face and asked,

‘You are coming home tonight?’

‘Do you want me too?’

Matt nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Ben lowered his head and kissed Matt’s soft, full lips. He tasted of bitter, salty tears until his usual taste came through. A taste Ben could not get enough of. They shared kisses for a few minutes until Ben remembered where he was. Reluctantly he pulled away. Matt looked completely lost, as if he had been in another world completely.

‘I have to get back to work, Matt.’

‘OK,’ he answered, subdued.

‘I am coming back!’ Ben said, shaking him a little. ‘But I'm working late tonight. There’s a lot of Christmas rush orders on which are going to be collected tomorrow. But I will be back, alright?’

‘Alright,’ Matt replied softly. ‘Any idea what time?’

‘Could be about nine o’clock. But I do get away at midday the day after.’

‘That’s kind of them to give you a half day on Christmas Eve!’ Matt said, sarcastically. ‘They’re not making you work Christmas Day as well, are they?’

‘No, I do get Christmas Day off.’

‘Boxing Day?’

‘Don’t push it!’

Matt laughed. ‘I’ll just have to make sure Christmas Day dinner is a really good one then.’

‘I thought your Dad was cooking?’ Ben asked.

‘Is there something wrong with my cooking?’ Matt asked, wide-eyed.

‘No! It’s umm, very inventive! What are you thinking of doing for Christmas Day?’ Ben asked quickly, trying to mentally work out where he could stash enough packets of crisps to keep him going until the shops opened again.

‘The usual, Dad’s got a turkey on order, spuds and veg, and plenty of wine, what else do we need?’

‘Nothing, I don’t need anything else!’ Ben replied, with heartfelt relief, mentally putting the crisp order on hold.

‘Ben!’ Sid called from the workshop.

‘Coming!’ Ben shouted back.

‘You need to go. I’ll see you tonight,’ Ben said, snatching another quick kiss then propelling Matt towards the door.

‘See you tonight,’ Matt said quietly. 

His eyes were saying the words Ben wanted to hear but Matt’s mouth was silent. There was a story behind that and he was determined to find out what it was. He wondered if it was something to do with the Milbury experience, if so, he would get it out of Matt this evening.

Matt left the workshop more light-hearted than when he had entered. Then he decided to make sure tonight and Christmas Day was as good an occasion as he could make it, so he set off down the High Street with shopping in mind.

It was twenty minutes to ten when Ben walked in through the front door. He had had the forethought to ring Matt and tell him he was going to be late. In view of the fragile state of both their emotions it seemed like the sensible thing to do at the time.

Matt was there as soon as he heard his key in the lock. The front door was kicked shut by Matt who proceeded to let Ben know, in no uncertain terms, just how much he had been missed. Ben could taste wine in Matt’s mouth, and if the glowing state of his skin and his bright eyes were any indication, it was a lot of wine. A very appetising smell was drifting through from the dining room and into the hall.  
Ben was starving. The sandwiches had been very welcome but he was still hungry.

‘You go and get a shower and freshen up and I’ll put dinner out.’

Ben smiled down into Matt’s happy face and kissed him again. 

‘Go on!’ Matt chivvied him.

‘Where’s your Dad?’ he asked, being more used to being greeted by Adam handing him a large gin and tonic than by Matt with kisses and hugs.

‘He’s out, he said until well after midnight, so we haven’t to wait up for him.’

Ben didn’t think he’d make it until midnight. Very little sleep the night before, plus a fourteen hour shift today and a request to make it in by seven tomorrow morning meant sleep was at a premium. He left for a warm shower. Back downstairs in his bathrobe, he saw no need to dress for dinner if it was going to be Matt and himself, besides which, exposing a fair amount of flesh to his lover would be a positive advantage this evening. 

He sauntered downstairs and into the dining room to have Matt behaving like a Maitre d’ at some posh hotel. A glass of bone dry white wine already poured out and making the glass sweat with the chill. His favourite Indian meal laid out ready to serve and eat, and Matt positively devouring him with his eyes, what more could he wish for?

He deliberately walked around the table and kissed Matt, who seemed rather surprised he’d been chosen in front of food. He obviously knew Ben would be very hungry.

‘Thank you, this looks and smells heavenly!’

Matt’s smile was of the huge wattage variety. He served Ben with what he wanted and then served himself, but before he started to eat he rushed off upstairs, saying he needed to visit the loo. Ben shrugged and tucked in. A couple of minutes later Matt came back downstairs in his bathrobe, with no accompanying sounds of water distributing itself around the household. Ben smiled and carried on eating. Matt, he noticed, ate very little, which worried him. He had thought they had alleviated some of Matt’s insecurities at the workshop, but obviously not. At last Ben sat back replete. He lifted his glass to Matt in a toast.

‘To my gorgeous boyfriend!’

‘To my gorgeous boyfriend!’

They both drank the toast before Matt stood and rather unsteadily began stacking the dishes. Ben thought it appropriate to help but was waved back to his seat. The smell of coffee brewing made its way into the dining room, after a few bumps and under the breath curses. They both drank the fragrant brew without cream or sugar, in near silence, until Matt asked,

‘Have you had enough to eat or can I get you some ice-cream?’

‘I’m fine thanks. That was lovely and must have cost you a fortune!’

‘You’re more than worth it,’ Matt replied, holding out his hand.

Ben took the proffered hand as Matt took hold of the half-empty bottle of wine and led the way upstairs. At the top of the second flight Matt kissed him gently and made a detour into the loo, handing over the half empty bottle. Ben pushed open the door to their bedroom and stopped, stunned, on the threshold. 

At least a dozen fat, white candles had been lit and placed around the bedroom on plates. No light from the bedside lamps was required. Matt had left the curtains open which allowed the moonlight to pour into the room and add to the ambience. He dumped the half empty bottle of wine on the bedside table then went back to the doorway to wait for Matt to emerge. He heard the loo flushing then the culprit stepped out and checked himself, looking anxiously into Ben’s face.

‘Come here!’ Ben said quietly.

‘Don’t you like it?’ Matt asked uncertainly, not knowing what to make of his tone of voice.

Ben blinked away the tears which had gathered in his eyes. ‘That looks beautiful!’ he said reverently. ‘I don’t know what to say.’

‘How does, ‘come to bed’, sound?’

Ben giggled and bent to pick Matt up and managed to carry him in his arms across to the bed and took full advantage of his rather drunk, and very eager to please, bed partner.

Later on, Ben took the last mouthful of wine into his mouth then pressed his lips to Matt’s, letting the alcohol dribble into his mouth. Matt drank greedily from his lips then Ben lay back on the bed. A great meal, wonderful wine followed by making slow, unhurried love with his favourite man, had just made this the most memorable night of his life. The fact that Matt had gone to such a lot of trouble to make this a great night was the icing on the cake and he didn’t intend to spoil it by asking about Milbury. Now he knew that frightened Matt, he had no intention of scaring him. Milbury could wait, at least for a couple of days. He was just drifting away on a very comfortable wave of pleasure when Matt wriggled out of his grasp and out of the bed.

‘What’s up?’ Ben asked, his voice croaky.

‘Need the loo, too much wine,’ Matt slurred back at him.

Ben smiled as he replied, 

‘Hurry back, my love.’

A minute later Ben was wrenched out of his comfortable idleness by the most blood curdling shriek he had ever heard. 

Without thinking about anything else he dashed across the landing to where Matt was holding onto Ben’s toothbrush as if it were the serpent in Eden and had just sunk it’s fangs into his hand. By the time Ben made it into the bathroom Matt was kneeling on the floor, panting, leaning against the bathroom sink and crying.

‘Matt! Matt, what’s wrong?’

Ben took the pallid, shaking body into his arms. Matt was incoherent, he was mumbling under his breath, his body was soaked in sweat and his face in tears and sweat. Automatically he wrapped his arms around Ben’s neck crooning,

‘No, no, no, no,’ over and over again. In a few seconds Ben’s skin was soaked in Matt’s tears but he couldn’t break through the fugue of grief which seemed to have enveloped Matt. 

Hammering footsteps heralded the arrival of Adam.

‘What the hell is going on? I could hear him screaming outside.’

Suddenly Matt’s body went limp, his arms dropping from around Ben’s neck and the object he had been clinging onto dropping to the bathroom floor. Ben picked up Matt and carried him, with difficulty, across to their bed. Adam strode in front of him and turned the duvet down first.

‘What happened?’ Adam asked again.

‘I don’t know. He went to the loo then I heard him screaming!’

Adam turned back his son’s eyelids but he was well and truly unconscious.

‘He has been drinking a fair bit tonight,’ Ben volunteered.

‘He just goes to sleep when he’s had too much, he doesn’t scream about it.’

Ben straightened out Matt’s hands but there wasn’t a mark on them.

‘What was he holding?’

‘My toothbrush. I used it tonight there wasn’t anything on it except toothpaste.’

Adam got up and went into the bathroom and picked the brush from the floor. He shrugged.

‘Nothing!’

A faint moan from the bed had both men beside him in an instant.

‘Matt! Matt, what happened?’ Adam asked, his voice reflecting his worry.

‘Ben?’ Matt shouted.

‘It’s alright, I’m here, I’m here.’

Matt surged up from the bed and wrapped his arms tightly around Ben’s neck, holding onto him like a drowning man holding onto a lifebelt.

‘I thought you’d left me, you weren’t there and it hurt so much,’ Matt whispered, his words indistinct because his face was buried in Ben’s neck.

Adam ran his hand down Matt’s back, trying to soothe him, his face sombre.

‘Matt, is it happening again?’

After a long silence, Matt slowly loosened his chokehold on Ben, and turned to face his father. His eyes looked huge and dark in his pale face as he nodded.

‘Oh Matt!’ Adam said softly.

Ben was totally confused, looking from father to son and back again in the hopes that one of them would tell him what was going on.

‘Are you sure it isn’t because you’ve just been discussing Milbury?’

‘We haven’t,’ Ben stated flatly.

Adam looked at Ben then at Matt.

‘He’d made such an effort with dinner and the wine and then…,’ he coughed and changed what he was going to say. ‘Then we came up to bed. Matt went to the loo then I heard him screaming. We haven’t spoken about Milbury at all. I didn’t want to spoil the evening. I know he doesn’t like talking about it.’

Adam sat on the side of the bed regarding the two young men in front of him.

‘What did you feel this time?’ he asked Matt.

Matt picked up Ben’s hand and held it tightly.

‘I’d been to the loo and was going to wash my hands. Ben’s toothbrush had fallen into the sink so I picked it up to put it back in the glass. As soon as I picked it up I felt as if I was on fire. It was so hot it felt cold, all over me, and it hurt so much but just for a second, then it didn’t hurt at all. But Ben, my Ben wasn’t there. He didn’t exist.’

‘But there was a Ben there?’ Adam questioned.

‘Yes, there was, but he wasn’t my Ben. I felt like he didn’t know me, as if we’d never met.’

Ben looked at Adam over the top of Matt’s head, asking questions with his eyes. He didn’t have a clue what to make of this at all.

Adam took pity on him and said,

‘Just after Matt’s mother passed away whenever he touched any of her things he started feeling things, seeing what she had seen, as if he somehow had access to her memories through the objects she had handled.’

Ben’s politely raised eyebrow told Adam he hadn’t been believed.

‘Don’t worry, I thought the same thing as you for a while, but it happened too often for me to dismiss it and he was talking about things he couldn’t possibly know about, from times before he was born. Nothing earth shattering, just scenes and memories from her life. Then he started doing it again in Milbury.’

Ben looked down at the top of Matt’s head which was slowly leaning towards him. Adam reached out and lowered his half asleep son to the pillow.

‘He also becomes extremely tired afterwards.’

Ben didn’t know what to say or think. He simply sat and stared at Matt.

‘He didn’t do this after you came back from Milbury?’

‘No. Things returned very much to normal. I continued teaching and doing research, Matt studied for his ‘O’ and ‘A’ levels and went to University’

‘You forgot to mention he did his ‘A’ level courses in a year and went to University at seventeen,’ Ben stated.

Adam smiled.

‘Don’t you think he’s big-headed enough as it is?’

Matt’s face flickered in a smile too, he was more asleep than awake but he could still hear both men.

‘But I’ve never been burnt. I’ve never been in a fire,’ Ben said. ‘And I certainly exist!’

Adam shrugged.

‘I never said it was possible to prove anything from it. I don’t know what to make of it sometimes any more than you do. It might make more sense when he wakes up again.’

Adam leaned forward and kissed Matt’s forehead.

‘It’s late, I’m going to bed. Goodnight, you two.’

‘’Night Adam,’ Ben said. Matt didn’t reply.

For a few seconds Ben remained where he was then he got up from the bed so he could get under the duvet properly. To do so he had to prise Matt’s fingers from his hand. That brought Matt to full wakefulness quickly. He blew out all the candles then slid under the duvet. He could see Matt’s wide open eyes glinting in the faint light which trickled in through the windows. He held his arms out. They were immediately filled with a warm body. He turned onto his back and settled Matt along the length of his body so they were touching just about everywhere, then he wrapped his arms around his back. Quickly he felt Matt start to relax completely, the full body contact soothing him.

‘Did you really see all your Mum’s memories when you picked up her things?’ he asked.

Matt nodded his head.

‘‘S not jus’ seeing memories, ‘get the emotional content ‘s well.’

Matt speech was starting to slur he was so tired. 

‘Know how she felt ‘bout Dad an’ me. She liked t’hear me tell her I loved her. Din’t make a diff’rence, she still left us…’ Matt’s voice faded to silence as he suddenly gave in to his body’s demand for sleep.

Ben’s eyes narrowed when he heard that last sentence. Was that why he couldn’t tell Ben he loved him? He was afraid if he did he would leave him, just as his mother had done? He tightened his hold fractionally, trying to let Matt know, even in sleep, he was loved and cared for.

 

Ben woke up spooned around Matt just before his alarm clock went off at six. He rolled over and shut it off. Matt rolled over as well for his usual morning cuddle before making love.

Ben kissed Matt’s lips one last time and said,

‘I’m going to grab a shower, need to be in work for seven.’

‘I’ll share the shower.’

‘You don’t need to get up at this time.’

‘Yeah I do. Lots to do today. Dad mentioned before he left last night, there might be one or two people stopping by tomorrow for a Christmas drink.’

‘How many?’ Ben asked switching on the light in the bathroom and then turning on the shower to warm up.

‘He doesn’t know!’

The both laughed.

Before they got under the warm water Ben asked,

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Wonderful!’ Matt replied, his eyes twinkling.

‘I meant after, what happened, last night.’

‘I know what you meant. I’m alright. I just need sleep afterwards, that’s all,’ he replied, giving the distinct impression he didn’t want to discuss the matter any further. But Ben persisted, going over again what he had felt and seen whilst they washed each other’s hair. Matt was monosyllabic in his answers as he soaped a washcloth and started at Ben’s shoulders, moving steadily down his body. Ben was still talking, more to himself, when Matt, after washing his genitals sneakily licked his flaccid length then sucked strongly, The organ in his mouth began to lengthen and fill almost immediately whilst Ben gasped with surprise.

‘Matt! I’ve got to get to work!’

Matt didn’t take any notice and after the first half-hearted attempt to pull his mouth away Ben leaned against the shower cubicle wall, and gave in, panting and moaning his appreciation of the attention before he came with a yell and then slid down the wall. They leaned against each other for a couple of minutes, coming down from their post-orgasmic highs.

‘Merry Christmas to you too,’ Ben whispered, kissing him.

‘That’s not your Christmas present, that’s just to send you off with a smile on your face,’ Matt whispered back.

‘It’s worked!’ Ben replied, standing up and rinsing himself off.

By the time Ben returned in the early afternoon the house was transformed. Clean and tidy, glasses set out with various drinks on the side table, a Christmas tree and boxes of ornaments were waiting to be put up and the kitchen was littered with various foodstuffs. 

Adam was cooking a traditional fish pie for the evening meal but he had also prepared some lunch so they wouldn’t starve in the interim. Then it was time to put the tree up. Two large glasses of wine and a large whisky were prepared then the actual decorating began. Matt and Ben doing the work with Adam directing and telling them where there were bald patches to be covered with tinsel or baubles. 

The afternoon passed in a haze of preparations. Vegetables were trimmed and left in bowls of water ready for the next day. Matt had obviously thought his father had invited the entire faculty for Christmas dinner judging by the amount of food he was preparing. All three ate the fish pie, cleared up then Adam went out with his friends to a party, leaving Ben and Matt to get ready to go to their party. 

Ben was ready first so he went downstairs to wait for Matt. For a few minutes Ben sat in the lounge looking around. It felt warm and very welcoming. The tree, softly lit in the corner, the fire glowing in the hearth and a lamp providing discrete ambient lighting. He felt like part of a family again and the feeling warmed him. Matt clattered downstairs.

‘Ready?’

‘In a minute. Come and sit down.’

Matt wandered in and sat beside Ben.

‘I think you’ve done a fantastic job with all this,’ he said sincerely.

‘Thanks, but you and Dad have helped too.’

‘I just wanted to enjoy it for a minute.’

‘The peace before the hoards descend?’

Ben laughed and nodded. ‘I wanted to give you this as well,’ he said, handing over a rectangular box wrapped in Christmas paper. 

Matt ripped off the paper then stopped when he saw the logo of the jewellers in the High Street.

‘Go on, open it.’

Matt didn’t need to open it, he knew it would contain the watch he had been looking at for months but had decided, as it was expensive, he didn’t really need it. Slowly he lifted the lid and saw the beautiful watch in its packing. He simply stared before shyly stroking a finger over the bracelet.

‘Ben, that’s beautiful!’ he said quietly, very touched that he’d got the right watch but also feeling guilty that he’d spent do much money on him. Then the penny dropped as to why Ben had been working so hard and putting in so much overtime, it must have been to buy him this.

‘Oh Ben, you shouldn’t have! It’s so expensive.’

‘Don’t you like it?’

‘I love it! I adore it! I just feel so guilty you’ve had to work so hard to get it for me.’

Ben smiled broadly.

‘You’re Dad won’t take any rent from me, so I thought I can afford to get that for you. You’ve had your eye on it for months, admit it!’

Matt nodded, a cheeky grin on his face.

‘I didn’t think you’d noticed.’

‘I notice everything about you. You should know that by now.’

Matt took the watch out of its case and turned it over in his hands, savouring the feel of it. As it turned in his hands, an inscription on the back caught the light. He turned it towards the lamplight in order to read it.

‘Time, like my love, never ending.’

For the second time in two days Matt felt his eyes fill with tears. He turned and put all his heart and soul into a kiss.

‘I didn’t know if you’d think I was being a bit forward with this,’ Matt said, fishing under the tree for a small box and an envelope. He passed the envelope across first. Inside was a slip of paper allowing the bearer to have his car serviced and any repairs made at a local garage.

‘That’s brave of you! My car could cost a fortune.’

‘It’s worth it to keep you safe,’ Matt replied. ‘Besides, it’s from Dad and me.’

‘Thank you very much, Matt. It is very much appreciated,’ Ben said, putting the paper away in his wallet. ‘Why would you think that was being forward? Foolhardy perhaps, but not forward.’

‘Not with that one, with this. I wasn’t very sure if you’d like it.’

Ben took the box Matt held out to him, and carefully unwrapped it. Inside the paper, the jeweller’s box was from the same place as Matt’s watch. Ben glanced up before opening it. The ring inside caught the light and sparkled. It was square shaped front with a diamond etched design in the bottom corner and a small diamond set in the opposite corner. For a few seconds Ben was silent.

‘I can take it back if you don’t like it.’

Ben shook his head. Matt had spent an absolute fortune on him too. Silently he took it out of the box and handed it to Matt then he held out his hands, letting Matt choose which finger to put it on. Ben was conscious of a feeling of disappointment when they found the only finger it fitted was the third finger of his right hand, but he covered it well. He knew Matt loved him, even if he couldn’t say it, in addition they had only been together for four months, perhaps he was jumping the gun a little. After all, he still had another two and a half years left of his degree, whilst Matt only had another six months to do.

When he’d finished kissing Matt, he said simply,

‘Thank you.’

Matt looked up at him and then away. Even in the low level of illumination Ben could see a flush covering Matt’s cheeks.

Matt reached out to touch the ring and said quietly,

‘I was hoping it would fit another finger.’

Ben swallowed hard as Matt articulated what he had been hoping too. Softly Ben kissed across his cheekbone to his ear and whispered,

‘Do you mean that?’

Matt nodded, his eyes closed, enjoying the caresses.

Ben continued down his neck and then back up the other side to his other ear and whispered,

‘So did I. If you still feel the same when you graduate, ask me again.’

‘That’s not until next June!’ Matt said quietly.

‘What’s six months against the rest of our lives?’

Matt’s lips curved into a smile.

‘The rest of our lives. That sounds good.’ He sighed. ‘Do we have to go to that party?’

‘Not if you don’t want to.’

‘How would you feel about just sitting here, listening to some music?’

‘As long as I’m with you.’

Matt got up to sort out some music whilst Ben went to the kitchen to get them a glass of wine each. Contentedly they sipped their drinks, Matt leaning against Ben as they talked about their future plans.

‘Don’t think it would be a good idea for either of us to transfer. You’ve only got another six months of your degree course left….’

‘That’s going to feel like a lifetime only seeing you at weekends again. I like living with you and seeing you every day.’

‘You just don’t like going without for a week!’

‘That as well,’ Matt admitted giggling. ‘Do you?’

‘No. Not at all,’ he admitted. ‘It’ll probably be better when you need to concentrate for your finals, no distractions. That’s always assuming my little genius needs to revise at all.’

‘Yes, I do need to revise,’ Matt replied, playfully slapping his arm then kissing it. 

‘Have you thought about where you’re going to do your doctorate?’

‘Haven’t decided yet. I could do it over here. We could get a place together whilst you finish your degree.’

‘You might hate my guts in six months time,’ Ben said reasonably.

‘Or you might hate mine.’

‘True enough,’ Ben agreed.

‘But until then I consider us unofficially engaged. Do you have a problem with that?’ Matt asked, sounding very belligerent.

Ben knew he wouldn’t change his mind, in six months or six years time, but he wanted Matt to be very sure of his feelings. He knew he would have a great deal of difficulty coping with splitting from Matt.

‘Not at all!’

‘Can we get that ring resized after Christmas?’

‘That was a damned quick six months.’

‘Please! Just the ring, we won’t make any decisions about either of us transferring Universities until I graduate.’

‘You having a ring then? Are we telling your father?’

‘Don’t need a ring, I’ve got a lovely watch,’ Matt replied, taking his old watch off and holding out his left arm so that Ben could put the new one on him. ‘Have an idea Dad already knows, anyway.’

‘How?’ Ben asked fastening the watch then turning his wrist over and kissing the underside.

‘He was with me when I bought the ring.’

‘What did he say?’ Ben asked curiously.

‘Just raised his eyebrows and asked me if I was sure.’

That sounded like Adam. He wouldn’t interfere as long as his son was happy.

‘So he’s OK about it?’

‘Why shouldn’t he be?’

‘Well you could be considered a bit young for making life decisions like this.’

‘I’ll be twenty in March. Mum and Dad were married by the time they were twenty, and I was on the way the year after. Anyway, think about who introduced us.’

Ben thought.

‘Your Dad! You think your Dad was match making?’

‘Why not? I wouldn’t put it past him. He thinks I need a stable influence in my life.’

‘So he threw you at me?’

Matt nodded.

‘Oh dear! That makes me sound so boring.’

‘Boring, definitely not! He thinks you’re rather brilliant.’

‘Not in maths he doesn’t.’

‘No, not maths, but your investigative and design work.’

‘So what would he have done if we hadn’t fancied each other?’

‘Probably worked on us!’

Ben was still trying to come to terms with the possibility he had been selected as Matt’s future partner, by Matt’s his father.

‘You know that makes this almost an arranged marriage.’

Matt laughed.

‘In that case, I do!’

Ben laughed and hugged him close.

They stretched out on the settee, and continued to talk or just sat in companionable silence. It was around three o’clock in the morning when Adam returned home to find them fast asleep in each other’s arms. It seemed almost a shame to wake them but he knew they’d wake up stiff otherwise. Gently he shook Matt awake and then tried to wake Ben. It seemed to take an age for Ben to come to.

‘Come on sleepy heads, go to bed.’

Matt shook Ben’s shoulder. 

‘Come on love, wake up.’

Eventually Ben opened his eyes and they all trooped off up to bed.

Christmas Day was riot of preparation and cooking. Ben set the table for as many as it would comfortably hold then went through to the kitchen to help with cutting up the vegetables. Rolling up his sleeves he set to work with a sharp knife until Adam looked across at him and asked,

‘Good grief, what have you been doing to yourself?’

‘What?’

Adam nodded at a large darkening bruise on his forearm.

‘Probably just knocked it somewhere.’

Matt abandoned stirring a pan on the stove to come and look.

‘Isn’t that where I slapped you?’

‘Is it? Can’t remember.’

‘Ye gods boy! Do you always knock him about like that?’ Adam asked, half joking.

‘I’m really sorry Ben, I didn’t realise I’d hit you that hard.’

‘It’ll be fine, stop fussing. Have you got a pan for all these carrots?’

 

The day passed quickly, too quickly for Matt, who wanted to remember everything. The days afterwards seemed to speed by too. New Year’s Eve, then a week after that and it was time to return to their respective Universities. Ben had moved out of Adam’s house the night before, back into halls of residence, Matt helping him move in and staying the night with him. Ben liked Adam but didn’t feel right living at the house when Matt wouldn’t be there most of the time. Then it was time to say goodbye. Parting, even for a week, was difficult. Matt felt like he had left part of himself with Ben when he was travelling to his University on the train. It was almost a physical pain.

Ben went to bed early, holding onto the pillow which still retained a slight scent of Matt.  
It was hard for both of them, that first week. Friday could not come soon enough.

Matt was waiting for him when Ben returned to his room on Friday evening. He flew into his arms, neither of them saying a word each trying to kiss the other, not being able to get close enough quickly enough. 

A long while later Ben was softly kissing Matt’s lips, both now considerably calmer after spending the previous ninety minutes intimately occupied. Ben finally remembered he hadn’t even said hello.

‘Hi.’

Matt grinned.

‘Hi yourself. Miss me?’

‘Nah! What gives you that idea?’

Matt laughed taking in Ben’s appearance; bathed in sweat, red in the face and his dark hair plastered to his skull. Matt knew he must look pretty similar.

They spent most of the weekend in bed apart from unavoidable issues like eating and completing any assignments. All too soon Sunday evening arrived. Matt was desolate, the thought of having to leave on the last train was tearing him apart but he knew he had to go. Ben coped with the following week by immersing himself totally in either his University work or in the work he was still doing at Lazeby’s. It worked, after a fashion. He was generally so tired he didn’t have the energy to spare to pine over Matt.

Over the next couple of weekends Matt again broached the subject of one of them transferring. Ben still didn’t think it was a good idea. He was getting on with his studies well, his project was shaping up nicely and he liked the teaching staff. Again he advanced the same arguments as he had at Christmas, Matt only had a few months to go, it was only eight weeks to the end of this semester, then Easter then the following semester, for Matt, would be taken up with final exams. Matt agreed, reluctantly, to leave things as they were. He was really too close to getting his degree to think of changing at this late stage. But that evening he was insatiable; he couldn’t keep his hands off Ben. Admittedly he didn’t try very hard, though. As they lay exhausted in Ben’s bed Matt asked,

‘Are you eating enough during the week?’

‘I eat when I’m hungry, why?’

‘I thought you looked a bit thinner that’s all.’

‘It’s all this exercise I’m getting at the weekends,’ Ben replied dryly. ‘I have this totally hot, totally insatiable boyfriend who won’t leave my body alone.’

‘Really? He’s got damned good taste, is all I can say.’

‘Oh no, I’m the one with the excellent taste,’ Ben replied softly looking into Matt’s eyes. He was totally besotted and knew it.

Matt woke first the next day and gently kissed Ben’s hand, which was lying across his chest and smiled sleepily down at Ben, who was lying on his side, his head on Matt’s shoulder. Waking up beside Ben was one of the pleasures of Matt’s life. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the feeling.

When his eyes adjusted properly though, the warm comforting sleepiness left him quickly. Ben’s wrist was showing a ring of darkened skin where he had held Ben’s hands above his head. Horrified he saw the finger bruises at his hips where he had held him tight as he’d come within his body. Looking at the pale skin lying next to him Matt could see bruises forming where ever he’d handled Ben a little roughly the day and night before. He looked liked he’d been beaten up. Matt turned to get a good look at Ben’s sleeping face. He looked pale normally but now he looked bloodless with faint bluish shadows under his eyes. And he was sleeping much heavier than usual. Normally Ben was the first one awake but for the last couple of weekends it had been Matt who had had to wake Ben. Then Matt became aware of how damp the bedding was on Ben’s side of the bed. Yes, they had both expended a vast amount of pleasurable energy over the last day and night but it seemed like Ben had been sweating heavily during the night as well. Matt touched Ben’s skin over his body and it did still feel damp and clammy to him.

‘Ben, Ben love wake up,’ Matt said softly.

For a while nothing happened until finally he opened his eyes and groaned,

‘Matt, haven’t you have enough? I’m sore!’

Despite his worries Matt grinned.

‘You need to get up love, we need to change the bedding.’

‘Why what’s happened?’ Ben asked looking down at himself.

‘Everything feels a bit damp I think we did a lot of sweating last night.’

‘Wonder why!’ Ben replied, levering himself onto his elbows, sarcasm lacing every word.

‘You go and get a shower and I’ll change the bed,’ Matt said, giving him a little push. ‘Go on!’

‘You trying to tell me something?’ Ben asked, rubbing his eyes.

‘No, of course not dear,’ Matt replied, holding his nose.

Ben looked around and laughed then got out of bed. He felt the bedding as he got up and grunted. It was extremely damp. Keeping his thoughts to himself and wrapping a large bath towel around his waist he collected a smaller towel plus his sponge bag and padded off down the corridor to the showers. 

Once inside he locked the door with shaking hands, turned on the shower to warm and then put down his small towel and sponge bag. Standing in front of the mirror he critically appraised his appearance. 

Yes, he did look very pale. Slowly he let the towel fall to the floor. The bruises on his hips were clearly finger bruises. Every slight bite and love bite had purpled to an alarming degree. Marks around his upper arms from Matt’s grasping hands when he’d held on to him in his mindless ecstasy had turned a dirty bluish grey, whilst the ring of bruises around each wrist were greenish, flecked with purple. Sundry other bruises decorated his torso and his back as well as his thighs. He looked like he’d been in a fight – and lost! 

His elbows and his shoulders ached as well. After the critical self-examination added to the night sweats and weight loss data, Ben was in no doubt that he knew what was wrong. He was within weeks of completing his project, which, he more than hoped he could use to free his family, and he had found the one man with whom he knew he could spend the rest of his life, and now this! 

Quickly and angrily he soaped himself under the warm water, washing away the clammy sweat from his skin, his temper flaring brightly by now. If this was some cosmic joke he didn’t find it very funny! 

Furiously he pummelled the uncaring white tiles along the shower wall, giving vent to his rage, then suddenly he found himself sliding down the wall, his consciousness wavering. His last thought before he passed out on the floor of the shower was a hope that Matt wouldn’t be the one to find his drowned body.

When he came to, the shower was running very cool but it felt a lot more refreshing than warm water. Slowly he climbed to his feet, finished washing then shut the water off. The edges of his hands, where he’d hit the tiles had bruised in the time he’d been laying on the shower floor. New sets of bruises were gathering from his fall as well. Sitting on the wooden bench mechanically drying himself Ben started to form plans. His thoughts were mainly for Matt. This would kill him. So he had to get Matt out of his life, push him away so he would leave before things got too bad. It would break his heart to hurt him like that but it seemed to be the only thing left to do. 

Matt was young, not even twenty years old, it wasn’t fair that he should have to go through this as well. A selfish little voice whimpered its fear about having to go through this alone, again, too, but he ruthlessly suppressed it. 

He had been lucky. He had had a good five years of freedom which had enabled him to get his exams, do his research, complete his designs and half finish his machine. He’d also had five months, two weeks and one day of the best relationship he had ever known. 

Pushing Matt away and having to hurt him would be his one major regret. But it was for the best, he consoled himself, that way he wouldn’t be so hurt a few weeks or, if the was lucky, a few months down the line.

A gentle knock on the door jerked him out of his sombre reverie.

‘Ben? Are you alright?’

‘Fine,’ Ben lied.

‘Do you want some breakfast?’

‘Don’t think I’ve got any food in.’

‘I went across to the paper shop and got some milk, bread, butter and cereal.’

Ben smiled even though his eyes were filling.

‘Thanks, I’ll have some cereal. I’ll be out in a minute.’

‘OK. Do you tea or coffee?’

‘Tea please.’

‘See you in a min.’ 

He would miss being looked after. He knew when got to his room the table would be set, and there would be toast, tea and cereal set out ready for him. Wearily he leaned back against the wall. 

He felt like he could do with about twelve straight hours of sleep but that wouldn’t be a possibility. He had a lot of work to do but he had to get Matt out of the way, first. Deep down he had known there was a problem but he hadn’t wanted to face it, it was only now that Matt had brought his symptoms to his attention like this that he acknowledged he had known all along what was wrong. 

Perhaps that was why he could travel freely, in or out of the circle. Maybe that was also why his mother thought he was a ghost whenever he went to see her. In one, or maybe more, of those other realities he hadn’t survived the cancer. Briefly he wondered if the other Bens had had the comfort of a Matt in their last weeks too, then he savagely dismissed the thought. He needed to make sure his Matt, in this reality, would hate him enough not to care too much what happened to him. Squaring his shoulders he wrapped the damp towel around his waist again, collected his gear and padded back to his room.

Matt expertly divested him of his towel, kissed him, then came back and kissed his several more times. Despite his best intentions Ben couldn’t stop responding to him.

‘Won’t be long,’ Matt whispered as he sped off to take a quick shower. 

Ben pulled on sweat pants and a t-shirt and sat down to wait for Matt. The pile of toast and cereal in the bowls was making him feel nauseous so he went and sat on the bed, pulling out his notes as a distraction.

Matt came back, still half damp, his hair dripping. Flicking off the damp towel he spread it across the radiator and pulled on his jeans, heading immediately to the table. He poured the tea and looked expectantly at Ben, who got up and came to the table. 

Sitting watching Matt wolf his breakfast down, like the perfectly healthy man he was, made Ben feel weaker than ever. Dispiritedly he stirred the cereal in his bowl without actually eating any of it. Matt finished his meal and wandered over to the bed to finish his mug of tea, idly picking up Ben’s notes and starting to read through them.

‘Why have you got an input and output antenna in the clamps?’

‘What?’

‘In your design, why do you need an output, what are you feeding the output to?’

Matt was looking at the design, in a very puzzled manner.

Damn! He should have known it wouldn’t take Matt very long to work out what the machine was capable of doing.

Getting up from the table he walked across and twitched the notes out of his hands.

‘It’s not finished yet.’

That sounded weak, even to his ears.

‘Oh come on, let me have a look.’

‘No. Look I need to do a fair bit of work on that yet. I was thinking I really need to go into the labs today.’

‘OK, I’ll come with you.’

‘I’d rather you didn’t, you’ll just distract me. Go and see your Dad.’

Matt looked hurt but agreed.

‘Why don’t you come for tea then, he’d love to see you.’

‘Adam sees me four times a week. Two lectures and two tutorials.’

‘Lucky Adam!’ Matt replied, deadpan.

Ben put his head down hiding his smile, wondering if he could perhaps do this gently without hurting Matt too much in the process.

‘While we’re on the subject of seeing people, why don’t you see your doctor this week?’ Matt asked.

‘I don’t need to see a doctor.’

‘Have you looked in the mirror lately? If you get any more bruises I’ll get arrested for abuse!’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Why don’t you eat something then?’

‘For fuck’s sake Matt, stop fussing!’ Ben exploded, shouting at the top of his voice. Matt took an involuntary step back. ‘You’re not my fucking wife!’

‘No, I’m just the boyfriend you’re fucking!’ he replied, just as loudly. 

Give him his due, Matt fought back, Ben thought proudly.

‘Ben, you’re not well, you need to see a medical person. See the uni doctor if you haven’t got one of your own.’

‘I don’t need to see a doctor. Look, Matt, just go will you?’

‘What?’

‘Leave, please leave. I’ve got lots to do and I can’t get on with it when you’re here.’

Matt looked stunned.

‘You’re throwing me out?’ he asked faintly.

‘Yeah. Look, I think we need to give each other some space, not see each other for a while.’

Ben couldn’t bear to see the shocked hurt look on Matt’s face so he turned his back and stared out of the window.

‘How long?’ Matt asked softly.

‘Oh, I don’t know!’ Ben replied putting every ounce of irritation he could into his voice. ‘Let’s just leave it for a bit. I’ll…I’ll give you a ring or something.’

There was a dead silence behind him. Ben risked a quick look to see pain warring with anger for supremacy on Matt’s face.

‘Do you want a hand packing your stuff?’ he asked sharply, as if he couldn’t wait to get Matt out of the door.

‘Are you seeing someone else?’ Matt asked. ‘You promised you’d tell me first if you wanted to see someone else.’

Ben pressed his lips together to stop himself crying out at the pain in Matt’s voice. He took a deep breath and replied,

‘No, I’m not seeing anyone else, neither do I want to. I’m not even managing to get my work done and see you!’

There was a rustle of clothing behind him then more rustlings as clothes were thrown into a holdall. A metallic click confused him then the door opened.

‘Goodbye Ben. I don’t understand why you’re doing this, but I will find out.’

The door slammed shut behind Matt just as Ben sagged against the wall. All the effort he had put into the false irritation and anger had to be paid for now, as he barely managed to make it to the bed where he collapsed in a heap. The metallic click was then explained to him; Matt’s watch, the one he had bought him as his Christmas cum unofficial commitment gift was lying on the pillow. Ben picked up the watch, closed his eyes and let his bitter tears soak the clean pillow cases.

 

‘Oh, hi Matt,’ Chris said as he answered the communal telephone, which had been ringing off the wall.

‘Hi Chris, sorry to disturb you again….’

‘I have put all your notes under his door,’ Chris interrupted, making a mental note to throttle Ben into either finishing his relationship cleanly or taking his own telephone calls. ‘He is pulling a few all nighters at the labs, he seems to have been in there most of the weekend,’ Chris went on. ‘I saw him heading over there early this morning and I’ve not seen him come back to his rooms yet.’ He forbore to mention Ben had looked like the walking dead at six this morning. Matt was obviously worried enough, he didn’t need his anxiety level raising any more.

‘I’ll put another note under his door and if I see him I’ll ask him to call you, OK?’

‘OK Chris. Thanks very much. It’s very kind of you.’

‘OK Matt, I’ll see you later,’ Chris said, replacing the receiver.

Matt slowly replaced the receiver at his end and then looked at his watch, his old, tatty watch that he’d rescued from his bedroom at his Dad’s house. It was going up to eleven at night. If Ben had set off to the labs early on and if he was still there then he had done something well over fourteen hours, probably without a break. In some ways Matt wished he did really suspect Ben were seeing another man, that way he would at least know he was alright. 

Ten days without a word from Ben was taking its toll on him too. He’d tried telephoning, sending letters, he’d even tried to persuade his Dad to get involved, but he wouldn’t, saying it would compromise his position as Ben’s personal tutor.

Dragging his feet, Matt made his way back to his room to brood. He threw himself on his bed, tucking his arm behind his head. Finally he opened the drawer in his bedside cabinet and pulled out a plastic bag. It contained an ordinary comb which Matt contemplated for a long time before finally opening the bag and shaking the comb onto the bed. 

He'd done this several times before and the image had never changed, it was as if it were stuck in the same time frame. Screwing up his courage he picked up Ben's comb and held it tightly. The same image assaulted him; Ben, standing in front of him, bathed in a brilliant white light, Adam was standing behind him, several feet away. Ben was standing between two stones of the circle looking out, his arms outstretched to the stones on either side of him. His eyes were closed but Matt could see and feel the light dancing over him. He was at peace because he'd made his own decision, he was waiting for something or someone else to do something. In fact there was a sense of waiting over the whole scene. Matt could see his own face in the image, bathed in tears; he was begging Ben either to do or not to do something. The heavy cloud of despair hanging over his own image was painful in the extreme. They were the only still points in the whole picture; the stones, Ben, Adam and himself. The other figures were so blurred it made him feel sick to concentrate on them for long. The blurring was also movement, like a video tape, replaying and overlaying images on a screen, over and over again. He dropped the comb quickly and lay down again with his eyes closed until his stomach settled. Carefully he used the plastic bag to pull the comb back inside and then put it back in the drawer. That image told him nothing!

Ben finally got thrown out of the labs at twenty minutes to midnight. Beyond weariness he dragged himself back to his rooms and collapsed onto the bed, carefully avoiding looking in any mirrors. He badly needed a shave and he knew he needed a shower as well but just didn’t have the energy to drag himself along to the shower rooms. Several folded sheets of paper were strewn across the floor from where they’d been pushed under the door. He didn’t need to pick any up, he knew they would be requests from Matt to contact him, each of them in Chris’s careful handwriting and each one couched in polite but rapidly becoming irritated tones. He decided he’d deal with them tomorrow, before Professor Brake’s lecture. The lecture was at eleven fifteen, which would give him the chance to get a few hours sleep in and clean up before then. 

Ben’s body however, had other ideas. He didn’t wake up until quarter to eleven which left him just enough time to collect his books and notebook and get to the lecture hall. He filed in with the rest of the students trying his best to blend in and avoid notice. He found himself a seat near the end of a row. 

Adam had not said or done anything to indicate he knew about his split with Matt, he had been his normal courteous, professional self at all times, but Ben still felt guilty. Adam briefly lifted his head to see the last of the stragglers filing in. He looked across the sea of faces but it wasn’t difficult to pick Ben out. The man looked dreadful. Several days’ growth of beard, a drip white face and eyes like piss holes in the snow! His face looked a good deal thinner, even from last Friday. Maybe Matt was right and he needed to have a quiet word with him about seeing a doctor, if nothing else. He caught Ben’s eye, nodded and smiled then began the lecture.

Ben half smiled back, wiped his face over with his hand and started to take notes. A few minutes into the lecture he was struggling to take his jacket off, it seemed unbearably hot in the hall. The student sitting next to him turned around then asked quietly,

‘Are you alright, mate?’

‘Yeah, it’s just really hot in here.’

The student’s eyebrows rose briefly as he replied,

‘I wish I’d had your breakfast, I’m bloody freezing!’

They both turned back to listen to Professor Brake. A few seconds later the student felt, more than heard, Ben sliding out of his seat. Both he and the girl on the other side reacted quickly to stop him toppling forward onto the bench in front.

‘Professor!’ someone shouted.

‘Yes, what is it?’ Adam asked turning around from the board. The flurry of unnatural activity about half way up the lecture hall told him where the shout had come from. He raced out from behind the podium and up the stairway at the side of the hall.

Quickly he cleared the students out of the way so he could get to Ben.

‘You, run round to the medical centre and get one of the nurses over here, pronto.’

The girl nodded nervously and set off at a run. Adam took hold of Ben under his arms and then said,

‘Do you think you can get his feet?’ the student nodded and together they got Ben out of the row and down to the front of the hall and laid him on the floor in the recovery position.

One of the girls collected together Ben’s books and notebooks and pushed him into his bag then brought it down to the front of the hall. 

Adam was having no luck in bringing him round. For a terrible couple of seconds he’d had trouble locating a pulse, then he’d found it. Weak, but present. 

The student he’d sent off for a nurse came running back followed by an older woman in uniform carrying a bag. Immediately she took charge, asking for his name and what had happened. The lecture hall fell totally silent as she carried out her examination. She listened to his heart through her stethoscope then lifted up his t-shirt and looked at the older and new bruising on his back, his arms and his chest.

‘Don’t suppose you know who his personal tutor is, do you?’ she asked Adam.

‘Yes, me.’

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him he hadn’t been doing a very good job of it but she decided against saying anything.

‘I’m going to call an ambulance. He’s very ill and it doesn’t look like he’s been looking after himself at all.’

Adam blanched even more.

‘Can we get him to somewhere quieter whilst we wait for the ambulance?’ she asked.

‘Er, yeah,’ Adam said, thinking quickly. ‘We can take him into the technician’s office over there,’ he said, pointing to a doorway on the right. 

The same student picked up Ben’s legs as Adam took his torso and between them they took him into the tiny office and laid him on the floor, the nurse following. The technician was surprised but rallied well, even producing a small pillow as well as a travel rug to cover him whilst the nurse used the telephone to summon further help.

Adam dismissed the class promising to reschedule for later in the week then returned to sit with Ben. 

At the hospital it was more waiting. Eventually a senior registrar came to speak to Adam. 

‘You are Ben’s father?’

‘No, I’m not. I’m his personal tutor but I do know him well,’ Adam explained, for the umpteenth time.

‘Oh, we need to speak to his next of kin,’ the man said.

‘I can get you the information but it will take time, it’s at the university and the administration people will have gone home by now.’

‘Do we know where or who is his next of kin?’ Doctor Haq repeated.

All these demands to know his next of kin were worrying Adam greatly.

‘Why his next of kin, he’s not going to die, is he?’

The doctor looked at him, unsmiling.

‘His next of kin needs to be contacted because they will more than likely know where he was treated last time.’

‘Treated for what?’ Adam asked, getting very impatient.

‘His leukaemia.’

‘How do you know he’s had leukaemia before?’

‘He has old needle scars on his arm, consistent with some kind of chemotherapy.’

‘But he’s clear. He said he’s been clear for five years.’

‘You know where he was treated?’ the doctor asked, getting quite excited.

‘Can’t remember the name of it, but he said it was a big teaching hospital in Oxfordshire area somewhere.’

‘John Radcliffe, was that the name?’

‘Yes, that was it! But why does it matter where he was treated when he had leukaemia?’

‘It is not had leukaemia, it is has leukaemia. He has all the classic symptoms of the cancer returning. Anaemia, bruising of the skin, his white blood cell count is very high and from the way his clothes no longer fit it would appear he has been losing weight.’

‘But he was clear,’ was all Adam could say.

The doctor looked at Adam’s face and softened his approach.

‘You are a very good friend of Ben’s?’

‘He’s my son’s partner,’ Adam said, faintly.

‘Oh, I am sorry, I did not realise you were in fact family as well as teacher. Perhaps it would be better if you summoned your son to the hospital.’

‘Doctor, is he going to die?’

The doctor sighed. ‘Ben is very ill. If he is left untreated and if there is no spontaneous remission of the cancer then yes, that is a probability. However, a relapse of this kind is not uncommon after five years and it is usually very treatable with chemotherapy. He would have been eighteen the last time?’  
‘Seventeen, he had his seventeenth birthday just before he was discharged.’  
‘This can be treated,’ the doctor re-iterated, taking hold of Adam’s arm. ‘But please, bring his partner to the hospital and perhaps his parents if they can be located this evening, and then we can all discuss it.’

‘Can I see him?’

‘He is heavily sedated and is sleeping, but you may see him for a few minutes,’ the doctor agreed, ushering Adam into a four bedded ward. ‘I am going to contact the John Radcliffe and try and get hold of his notes.’

Ben was in the bed on the right nearest the door. He didn’t seem to be the same six foot man who had spent Christmas at his house. This man looked tiny, pale and vulnerable. Even sedated he looked decidedly unhappy. Adam sat the side of the bed and picked up his hand.

‘Ben, I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m going to bring Matt to see you.’

A crease crossed his forehead and his lips moved faintly, then he seemed to descend into sleep again.  
Adam squeezed his hand gently then laid it back down on the coverlet.

Getting hold of Matt via telephone was easier than Adam had envisaged. As it was after four in the afternoon Adam had decided to, first of all, ring his hall of residence, leave a note for him there then ring his head of course, Dr Bennett, to get him to track Matt down. A bored sounding girl answered after the fifth ring.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello, this is Professor Brake could I leave a message for Matthew Brake…,’

‘Yeah hang on a minute.’

A raucous shout of, ‘Maaaat, phoooone!’ echoed down the receiver.

Seconds later Matt picked up the receiver.

‘Hello, its Matt.’

‘Hi Matt, its Dad.’

‘Dad? What are you doing ringing at this time?’

‘I’ve got some bad news. You need to come home now, Ben’s been admitted to hospital. He’s very ill.’

There was a long silence. 

‘Matt? You still there?’

‘Yeah, I’m still here. Dad, you know he threw me out, he doesn’t want to see me anymore.’

‘Well I think you should see him, make your peace.’

‘Make your… How bad is he?’ Matt asked, panic in his voice.

‘He’s not good. The doctor thinks his leukaemia has come back.’

‘I knew he should have seen a doctor. I knew he was ill. Didn’t I tell you he should be seeing a doctor? I knew it. I bloody knew it!’ Matt shouted down the ‘phone at his father.

‘Matt! Hang on there and I’ll come and fetch you.’

‘No. Meet me at the station at about six o’clock. I can catch a train from here at four thirty.’

‘OK. Think you’d better plan to stay at least a few days.’

‘OK, will do. See you at six.’

With that Matt rang off and went to pack. If he kept busy he wouldn’t have to think about Ben being ill and he could keep the panic at bay. 

Sitting on the train for an hour and a half was the worst. There he had nothing else to do apart from imagine the nastiest possible scenarios.

Adam, meanwhile, had telephoned Dr Bennett to let him know his son would be absent without leave for a few days due to a family emergency. It may have been stretching the truth a little but he did tend to think of Ben as family.

Adam rushed back to the hospital with a very silent Matt sitting beside him. Matt was thinking furiously and believed he had found the answer to his questions. If so, ill or not, Ben was about to get the bollocking of his life!

Visiting time was in full swing by the time they arrived at the main ward, but the small side ward where Ben still slept was empty apart from Doctor Haq administering an injection to Ben. Two drips had been set up in the interim, one containing clear liquid; the other appeared to be blood.

‘Dr Haq, this is my son, Matt,’ Adam said, introducing him to the doctor.

Matt barely lifted his head, he was appalled at the sight of Ben. The bones of his face were sharply delineated and he looked so pale his skin was almost translucent.

‘Good evening Matt,’ Dr Haq replied, civilly.

‘Hi. Is it true the leukaemia has come back?’

‘I’m afraid so. I would like to begin treatment as soon as possible but we need to get him a little more stable first.’

‘What do you mean, stable?’

‘Get some blood into him to help with the anaemia, get some food and hydrating solution into him as well. He seems to have been neglecting himself recently.’

Matt nodded.

‘Do you know, perhaps, how long he has not been eating?’

Matt sighed. ‘At least a week. We… we had a fight over his not eating and not seeing a doctor. He threw me out ten days ago,’ Matt admitted.

‘I know it won’t be much of a consolation but you were quite correct, he did need to see a doctor. The hospital are faxing through a copy of his notes this evening for me. If he wakes up try and persuade him to drink some water.’

Adam nodded.

The doctor departed then a couple of minutes later a nurse entered, carrying a brown envelope and a clipboard.

‘Hi, Matt? Doctor Haq said I should give Ben’s personal effects to you to look after. Can you sign for them please?’

In a daze Matt did as he was asked. Sitting on the opposite side of the bed to Adam, he upended the contents of the envelope on Ben’s bed. His wallet, watch, ring and Matt’s watch fell out. Matt’s watch and the ring had been threaded onto a leather thong. Matt picked up the watch, and held it for a moment, then he turned to his unconscious boyfriend and whispered softly,

‘You are a bloody idiot, Ben Abeleyard!’ Then raising his voice he asked, ‘Will you take these home please, Dad?’

Adam nodded. They sat together in silence both watching Ben.

Ben’s head began to move about on the pillow, his face creasing up. He turned his head towards Adam then slowly his eyes opened.

‘Adam?’ he said softly.

‘Hello.’

Ben smiled and closed his eyes again, then he opened them looking up at the wall behind Adam.

‘Where are we?’

‘Hospital.’

Ben closed his eyes again, swallowing hard as his memory returned.

‘I passed out in the lecture, didn’t I?’

Adam nodded, half smiling. ‘I don’t usually have that effect on my students.’

Ben smiled at the poor joke.

‘I need to get out of here,’ he said, not thinking clearly at all.

‘I don’t think so, old man! You’re here for a few days at least. The doctor wants to contact your mother as well.’

‘Oh god, don’t let him do that! He won’t get much sense out of her anyway, she’s not quite with it these days.’

He looked down at his left hand and then asked, ‘Don’t suppose you know what they’ve done with my stuff, do you?’

‘Yeah, they gave it to me to look after,’ Adam replied turning out the contents of the envelope again.  
Ben picked up the watch he had given to Matt, and stroked the bracelet with his thumb.

‘Will you hang onto this for Matt, please? Tell him I’m sorry.’

‘Tell him yourself,’ Adam said, nodding towards the other side of the bed.

Matt stared down at his lover, his face totally expressionless.

‘If you didn’t bruise so easily at the moment, I’d be trying to belt some sense into you, about now! How long have you known you were this ill?’

Ben had the grace to look down, shamefaced.

‘I’ll go and grab a coffee,’ Adam said, getting up and leaving the room.

‘I think I knew something was wrong at Christmas, just didn’t want to admit it.’

‘Why didn’t you say anything? Don’t you trust me?’

Ben picked up Matt’s hand, their fingers entwining automatically.

‘I didn’t want you to have to watch me go through treatment after treatment and at the end of it all have to sit and watch me die by inches,’ Ben said honestly after a long pause.

‘Who said you’re going to die? The doctor is arranging chemotherapy, he’s confident you can be treated. The treatment isn’t going to be pleasant but you’re not going to go through this on your own. Me and Dad will be there.’

Ben smiled up at him sadly. ‘That’s why I pushed you away, tried to make you hate me. You won’t walk away if the going gets really tough.’

‘Too right I won’t! What kind of a man do you think I am?’

‘Honourable, loving, good and kind. And you should walk out of that door now.’

‘No way. Not until you can bodily throw me out. You are stuck with me.’

‘Matt, I’m not going to survive for long. I don’t want you to watch me getting weaker and weaker.’

‘I don’t want to watch that either, I want to watch you getting better…’

‘You don’t understand, Matt!’

‘Yes, I do. I’m not stupid. The chemo will be horrible, but it will kill the disease, like it did last time.’

‘No, it didn’t!’

‘What do you mean?’

‘The chemo didn’t have any effect last time, it just made be bloody ill for weeks. In the end I was so toxic they couldn’t give me any more, they had to let me have a break. In that break the cancer went into spontaneous remission. The treatments didn’t work! My white cell count was higher at the end of the chemo than it was when I’d started. And I didn’t feel half as bad then, as I do now!’

Matt looked into Ben’s face, seeing the pain and the look of pity there. In milliseconds he'd made his decision, taking a deep breath he said,

‘If you don’t go into remission again and the chemo doesn’t work, then I’ll be the one sitting with you and holding your hand.’ He leant forward and hugged a sniffing Ben as best he could, despite the drips in both of his arms. ‘I’m not leaving, so forget about trying to make me go,’ he whispered in his ear.

‘What did I do to deserve you?’ Ben said, through his tears.

‘You’d think you’d be able to remember breaking that many mirrors!’ Matt replied.

 

The next day Adam requested Ben’s personal details from the University registration department so that Ben’s mother could be contacted. When he received the information he sat down rather heavily at his desk, gazing in disbelief at the home address. He was still sitting there five minutes later when he should have been taking a tutorial. 

In his afternoon break Adam travelled to the hospital so see Ben, Matt was still sitting with him. Both looked at lot better than they had done for a while. Adam applauded Ben’s attempt to spare Matthew some of the coming pain, but, if he’d been asked, he would have been forced to admit it was a futile gesture. Matt loved Ben with all his heart and he would not walk out on someone who he loved and who needed his help. He just wasn’t made that way.

‘Matt, can I have a few minutes alone with Ben, please?’

Matt’s smile abruptly faded as he got to his feet and gave Ben a quick kiss, before leaving the room.

‘I got hold of your home address this morning, so we could contact your mother.’

‘Oh!’

‘Yes, oh! Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I was going to then I found out even the name of that place terrifies Matt. I couldn’t do it after that.’

‘He’s going to have to know at some point.’

‘I know. I was hoping to leave it as long as possible.’

‘Think your time just ran out.’

Ben breathed out, through his mouth slowly. ‘You do know you won’t be able to get hold of Mum, don’t you?’ he asked, turning to face Adam.

‘I wasn’t too sure,’ Adam admitted. ‘I don’t remember you from when we were in Milbury.’

‘No, you wouldn’t. I was away in hospital at that time. I was still there when you escaped, however you did it.’

‘Have you ever been back?’ Adam asked.

Ben nodded. ‘I can get in and out of most of the circles.’

‘Circles, plural?’

‘I think you’d better bring Matt back in. I’m not going over this twice.’

Adam brought Matt back in, both sitting down as Ben levered himself into a more comfortable position in the bed. Matt immediately went to help him adjust the bed head and his pillows.

‘Sorry Matt,’ Ben began, taking his hand. ‘You’re not going to like this.’

Matt looked from Ben to his father and back again.

‘I won’t be pushed away!’

‘Nothing to do with that,’ Adam said. ‘Hear him out.’

‘Show him the card,’ Ben said.

Adam passed the record card across to his son and watched his face change.

‘You were there when we were?’

Ben shook his head. ‘I was in the John Radcliffe, toxic as hell. When I got discharged I realised there was something wrong. I did go back home but I knew there was something wrong. Sometimes Mum recognised me, sometimes she didn’t. Simon was there sometimes, not all the time. Then I started talking to Dai. He helped me with some of it. He’d watched me walk in and out of the circles without any problems. He told me he’d only seen two other people be able to do that. Professor Brake and his son. Even he didn’t know properly what was happening and it’s taken me years to piece it all together. There are many circles in Milbury, circles of time, but only one stone one.’

‘You can go into any of the circles of time?’ Matt asked, stunned, his innate curiosity overcoming his fear at the memories of his time of nearly being trapped in the village.

Ben nodded. ‘All of them.’

‘But how?’ 

‘I don’t know. Perhaps it’s because in most of them I no longer seem to exist.’

Matt’s hand tightened on Ben’s involuntarily. He was remembering the time at Christmas when he’d picked up Ben’s toothbrush and felt the awful, dead emptiness of the place where Ben should be.

Ben pulled his hand away at the fierce pressure.

‘Sorry,’ Matt apologised.

‘I was wondering if in most circles of time, I died in hospital. It would seem to fit in with my mother thinking I’m a ghost most of the time.’

‘But why in some and not all of them?’ Adam questioned, taking the extraordinary explanation quite calmly.

‘I don’t know.’

‘That’s why you don’t go home?’ Matt asked.

‘Which one should I call home? I don’t even know.’

‘Well, you’re over eighteen so you can make your own decisions. We could still send a letter to your mother knowing it won’t get answered,’ Adam said. ‘It would satisfy the proprieties.’

‘That’s not all, is it?’ Matt asked.

‘No, love. It’s not. All those Milbury's shouldn't exist separately. They need to be reintegrated into our time frame. All the villagers living there need to be freed, to be able to move around outside the village if they want to.’

‘And how do you propose to do that?’ Adam asked. ‘We had a hard enough time getting out the first time. I know your family is trapped there and I agree they should have the freedom to move around, but is it doing any harm leaving things as they are?’

‘Radiation levels are increasing near there. Probably why so many kids are getting cancers.’

Adam flushed at that remark but said nothing.

‘With so many inexact duplicates what do you think will happen eventually?’ Ben asked.

‘Imbalance,’ Adam said slowly. ‘Something would give.’

‘I don't know what would happen after that, do you?’

Adam shook his head. 

‘Temporal physics isn't exactly something I'm very strong on. My guess is that the duplication could spread to outside the circle, but it would only be a guess. Multiple realities everywhere, can you imagine that?’

‘I'd rather not,’ Adam said shortly.

‘That machine you’re building, that’s what it’s for. The output antenna in the clamps,’ Matt muttered.

Adam looked at Ben and Matt. ‘What machine is this?’

‘The ELF project you let me work on.’

‘You were building an extra low frequency analyser, or that’s what your designs and notes said you were building.’

‘It’s not just an analyser. It analyses the signal, scrambles it and then outputs the scrambled signal. It will scramble the signal everywhere!’ Matt said, excitedly, now understanding the design he’d seen in Ben’s room.

Ben looked at him, admiring the speed with which he’d worked out the problem.

‘If I’d had your brain I could have finished the machine ages ago.’

‘Where are you going to get the energy from to scramble the signals?’ Adam asked. ‘An amplifier of that magnitude will need a lot of power.’

‘One constant in all those circles of time, are those stones, and they contain a lot of raw power. They’re going to provide the power for the integration.’

‘Right, I want to see all your notes for this machine as soon as possible!’

‘There are still a couple of quirks which need to be ironed out,’ Ben warned him. ‘That’s what I was trying to do when I got ill again.’

Ben told Adam where he could get hold of his designs and the real notes he was working to as well as where his machine was in the labs. After looking at his watch Adam bid them both goodbye and set off back to the University, where he would, again, be late for a tutorial.

Matt was uncharacteristically quiet after Adam had left.

‘What's the matter?’ Ben asked at length.

‘Why didn't you tell me what you were trying to do?’ Matt asked softly. He had a feeling he wasn't going to like the answer but he asked anyway.

‘I wanted to, I did try to. Remember when I tried to tell you about my project and you ……’

‘…..I shot it down in flames and you walked out. I knew I wouldn't like the answer. I'm sorry.’

‘No harm done,’ Ben replied trying to shrug his shoulders.

‘If I'd acted less like a frightened kid it could have been finished and dealt with by now.’

‘Perhaps, there's no guarantees though.’

Matt still didn't look particularly convinced.

‘Hey!’

He looked up at Ben and squeezed his hand gently, mindful of his delicate state.

‘We promised 'no secrets', didn't we?’ Matt said.

‘Sometimes honesty isn't always the best policy,’ Ben replied softly.

‘Please, no more secrets, from either of us?’ Matt asked.

‘That's easy, I haven't got any more secrets, Milbury was just about the only one. What about you?’

‘Not exactly secrets, but how do you feel about moving back into Dad's house, with me?’

‘Does he know?’ 

‘Sort of.’

‘What about your degree?’

‘I can transfer, the same course is taught here.’

‘I don't want your work to suffer because of me.’

‘It'll suffer even more if I'm over there and I don't know how you are, over here.’

Ben saw the look on Matt's face and knew he wasn't going to win this argument.

‘You think Adam is going to be pleased about having someone in the house who is throwing up for a week then sleeping for another week, then we repeat the cycle again?’

For a moment Matt looked ill as well.

‘You really don't know how bad this is going to get, Matt. I won't think any worse of you if you can't handle it, you know. There're not many people who can.’

He shook his head. 

‘You can stop telling me that, I'm staying, so save your breath.’

‘If this doesn't work and they have me pumped full of morphine I don't expect you to be still sitting there, holding my hand. And afterwards, I want you to be happy, no being miserable. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, go out and find someone who deserves you.’

‘If necessary,’ he stressed the first two words heavily, ‘I'll mourn in my own time and then go out again when I'm ready. Stop talking yourself into a defeated frame of mind.’

Matt applied to transfer courses, aided by Adam it was accomplished quickly. Friday morning the first chemotherapy began. Matt had been told what to expect by the MacMillan nurses who had spoken to him and Ben at the hospital but somehow it seemed to be a bit of an anticlimax seeing a bag of liquid being run into Ben's arm over a period of two hours. One of the MacMillan nurses, Evelyn, said she would call in to see how Ben was doing on Monday.

‘Take me home,’ Ben said to Matt, after receiving the instructions to return in one week and a bag of medication from the hospital pharmacy. He seemed to be tired and depressed on the journey back so Matt simply held his hand in the taxi, supporting him with his presence.

Once at Adam's Ben wanted to go to bed to sleep off the effects for a while. Matt started working downstairs not wanting to disturb Ben as he slept, by working in their room. It was several hours later before Matt heard Ben make a dash for the bathroom. 

Hours later, as Matt was sponging him down, Ben, at last, lifted his head from the loo seat.

‘Can you have any more anti-sickness stuff?’ Matt asked.

Ben shook his head slightly. ‘Think I've just about finished for now, anyway.’

‘Don't they say if you're sick, it's working?’

Ben smiled without humour, keeping his eyes closed. ‘Yeah, so they say.’

Matt added a few drops of something to the sink of tepid water. The scent immediately released was pleasant and astringent. He started to wipe Ben's face, arms and chest clear of the film of clammy sweat.

‘That smell's nice, what is it?’

‘Something Evelyn told me about. It's lavender oil. It's supposed to soothe and calm,’ Matt replied.

Ben smiled and opened his eyes. ‘Thanks. I haven't heard about that.’

‘It's something called aromatherapy.’

‘Matthew Brake getting involved in the mumbo jumbo scene?’

‘It's not! Your skin is the biggest organ in your body and molecules of those oils can be in your bloodstream within twenty minutes.’

‘You were having a long chat with Evelyn. Where was I?’

‘Evelyn told me some of it, the rest I went and looked up in the library,’ Matt admitted. ‘Think you can sleep for a while, now?’

Ben nodded, allowing Matt to help him to his feet and across to the bedroom. His exhausted body insisted he slept as soon as his head touched the pillow. 

Just for good measure Matt scattered a few more drops of the oil across the pillows so Ben would be breathing the scent as he slept then he went downstairs to get some food and to finish his work.

The next day Ben was aching. His stomach was sore from throwing up so much and his shoulders were stiff from hours in a hunched position and tension. Then he started again.

After he’d finished being ill, Matt had him lie down and massaged him gently across his stomach and then his back, arms and across his shoulders. By the time he’d finished Ben was fast asleep so Matt left him to it. 

Sunday morning Ben wasn't as ill as he had been, so, Sunday afternoon, after sitting upstairs with Ben and reading the Sunday papers with him, Matt decided he was going to make a chicken curry for the evening meal. 

When Ben fell asleep he crept downstairs and began. He cut up the onion and garlic, frying it off gently whilst he cut up mushrooms, red peppers and potatoes then he cut up the chicken breasts and fried them with the onions, garlic and spices. Thinking ahead he crept off to shut the doors to the kitchen and to the stairs, so that should Ben wake up feeling queasy again, he wouldn’t have to suffer the smell of curry as well. 

Next he steeped coconut in warm water and added this to the mix of chicken and vegetables, leaving it to simmer slowly for a couple of hours. Lastly he added a swirl of cream to the dish then served it to his father and himself with boiled rice. Leaving the dishes for a while, Matt and Adam sat and talked together then washed-up, transferring the left over curry to another pan then Adam went up to see how Ben was doing but he was still asleep so he came back downstairs. 

Later on Matt crept upstairs and sat quietly reading. After a time Ben shifted around and woke up.

‘Hi,’ he said, his voice a little croaky.

‘Hi. How are you feeling?’

‘Not too bad, actually. Mmm, is that curry I can smell?’

‘Sorry, tried to keep the smell away so it wouldn’t bother you.’

‘No, it smells nice.’

‘Do you want some?’ Matt asked, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice.

‘Yes please. I’m hungry,’ Ben said, sounding surprised himself.

Matt was very pleased, he would be ecstatic if the meal stayed down. He rushed downstairs to put some more rice onto cook and to reheat the curry.

When he arrived upstairs with a tray he found Ben had been to take a shower and was slowly drying himself on the side of the bed.

‘You should have waited for me, I could have helped.’

‘Whilst I can still do it on my own, let me!’ Ben replied.

Matt put the tray down and went to help Ben dry himself. The strokes of the towel against his skin became softer and softer and felt more like caresses than the firm touches of a devoted nurse assisting his patient. The soft kisses bestowed on the top of his spine, throat and finally lips were not something the nurses generally practised either.

After making sure he was dry all over Matt settled Ben back against the pillows. Even though they hadn’t made love for weeks, gently drying his skin in a cathedral silence, had seemed almost as intimate an act.

Ben ate most of the plate of curry and rice then drank his tea.

Cautiously Matt waited for Ben to make his usual dash to the loo, which had happened every time he had eaten so far, but it never happened. Ben drifted off again so Matt decided he might as well join his lover, took the tray downstairs, bade his father goodnight and went to bed.

The appointment at the hospital on Friday filled Ben with trepidation. Even though he felt a lot better he wasn’t sure if this was just because he was spending nearly every waking hour with Matt or because the treatment was having some effect. The blood was taken for testing, the doctor spoke to him briefly and said he would have the results for him the following Friday. Then it was home and playing the waiting game. 

The time in between was well spent, all three men went over Ben’s calculations and designs looking for any possible flaws. Ben found it difficult, physically and mentally, to work as long as Adam or Matt and consequently felt guilty, it was, after all, his work they were going over. Plus Matt still had his own studies to complete and Adam was teaching too. Consequently he tried to do more than he should. 

It was Adam who put his foot down when he saw the signs of exhaustion stamped on his face. He took his books off him, stood over him whilst he ate something then left him stretched out on the settee with the daily papers and the television remote control and instructions to rest. 

Sneakily getting up after Adam had left for the University he found his books and notes had also disappeared with Adam. Being a father, Ben thought to himself, had given Adam a deeply suspicious mind! Now he had no choice, it was either the television, the papers or hit the bookshelves. In the end the television won simply because he didn’t have the energy for anything more strenuous, and that for not too long. Not even Matt, returning home like a whirlwind, managed to wake him.

Somehow the chemo didn't seem quite as horrendous this time around. Ben could function better, even in the first few days after a treatment and the bad days didn't last as long, neither were they quite as debilitating. It didn't take him long to reach the very unscientific conclusion that perhaps Matt and Adam were correct; recovery was faster and the treatment worked better in an atmosphere of caring and positive vibes. Not to mention the good, healthy diet and excellent nursing he was getting. 

He felt like an out of time hippie even thinking this but the proof was in his steadily improving blood tests. However, he knew at the end of his third treatment that his body needed a break. Sure enough when he returned to hospital Dr Haq told him he was getting a three week break, his toxicity levels were still a bit high but his white blood cell count was appreciably lower. Matt had agitated to accompany him, but, having seen a schedule of work which Matt was required to complete, Ben wouldn't let him, protesting that he could still catch a taxi and get himself home again afterwards.

Matt came in quietly, not his usual fashion. He didn't want to disturb Ben who should have been sleeping after the treatment. Quietly he crept upstairs to check on him, but he wasn't in their bed, neither was he in the bathroom. Puzzled he wandered back downstairs. A note, which had fluttered to the floor, in Ben's neat handwriting caught his eye. 'Gone to the labs, be back later'.  
Short and to the point. 

That also told Matt he hadn't had any treatments today. Ben had had to take time off from his studies and, under the circumstances, the University had agreed to defer his exams until he had a clean bill of health, so Matt was a little surprised at the choice of location.

Picking up his bag again he set off back to the University. Matt spotted the distinctive ski hat Ben had taken to wearing to cover his hairless head and swiftly made his way to his side.

‘Hi, what happened?’ he asked, without preamble.

Ben took a quick look around to make sure they were alone before giving Matt a quick kiss.

‘Still too toxic. I've got three weeks off.’

‘Oh!’

Matt was simultaneously upset and relieved that his next treatment had been postponed. Relieved that Ben would get a rest from the endless round of sickness and debility but upset because he wanted it to be over as soon as possible so they could get back to a more normal life. The toxicity worried him too, but he'd known that was a possibility as well. 

‘I think this beast is nearly ready for a test drive,’ Ben said, reattaching the clamp to the main section.

Matt went silent. To test drive the machine Ben would need to take it to Milbury and let it gather readings from the circle itself then he could bring it back to the labs and they could test the signal scrambler in isolation and make any adjustments before taking it back to let it do its real work.

‘When?’ he finally asked.

‘Depending on how I'm feeling, how do you fancy an early trip out on Sunday morning?’

Matt stared silently out of the window. No, he wanted to shout, I don't want you to go to Milbury. He didn't want Ben to go but he knew it was necessary.

‘Matt!’

‘What?’ 

‘Pass me that clamp please?’

Matt had the distinct impression Ben had asked for the clamp more than once.

Ben made the necessary adjustments then turned around and rested his bum against the edge of the lab bench watching Matt.

‘Come here!’

Willingly Matt went into his arms, his mouth seeking reassurance and kisses.

‘You know I'm the only one who can do this,’ Ben said reasonably, lightly kissing his way to his temple.

‘I know, doesn't make it any easier. I just don't want you going anywhere near that village. What if you can't get out this time? What if….’

Ben brought his lips down on Matt's mouth silencing his partner's worried complaints. 

Matt pushed himself against Ben's body, tightening his hold and deepening the kiss, tasting Ben's mouth.

To his surprise Ben felt a sluggish, answering wave of arousal wash over him. For the last few weeks his mind had been more than ready but his body hadn't been cooperating. The doctor had assured him it was a temporary condition, which would right itself, but it was nice to have some physical reassurance of that, all the same. He pulled Matt to himself and brushed his burgeoning erection against him.

‘Mmmm, is that what I think it is?’ Matt asked in delight, his hand drifting slowly south. Whilst he had missed their physical intimacy, his relationship with Ben operated on more than just the physical level, but he would still welcome a return of their sex life.

‘Could be, if you play your cards right,’ Ben answered. ‘You want to take this somewhere more comfortable?’

‘You got your car with you?’

Ben nodded and laughed as Matt grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the lab.

Resting his head against Matt’s shoulder, Matt’s arms holding him tight, and dozing lightly, Ben didn’t think he’d ever felt so content and at peace. The sound of the strong heartbeat in his ear was the sound of comfort, safety and love. Matt had still never told him he loved him but his caring and devotion had proved it a thousand times over. As a background to his heart Matt’s stomach started to grumble. Ben giggled. 

‘Does a lickle tum tum want feedin’, den?’ he said in a ‘baby’ voice then kissed all around Matt’s stomach, which obligingly gurgled back at him. This time they both laughed.

‘It needs its energy replenishing for round two,’ Matt’s sultry half whispered tones replied.

Ben smiled. ‘Its taken ten weeks to get round one underway, don’t push it!’

‘It was well worth waiting for,’ Matt replied, rolling them both over and looking into his eyes.

Ben suddenly felt very humble at the gift of love which was shining from his eyes for him. He couldn’t even speak. Whatever he said would never adequately describe how lucky he felt having Matt in his life. Ben kissed him, softly at first then more urgently as his passion for this man in his arms mounted.

Matt woke, hot and sticky, unable to say what had caused him to wake then he heard faint footsteps echoing on the lino covered floor in the kitchen downstairs. His stomach gurgled reproachfully at him. 

Carefully, so as not to wake Ben, who was spooned around him, he eased himself out of bed. Paused to collect a bathrobe then padded downstairs.

‘Hello Matt, how’s Ben?’ Adam asked.

‘He’s fine. No treatment today.’

‘Oh? What happened?’ Adam asked, pausing with the coffee spoon hovering over the jar.

‘Toxicity level too high, he says he feels fine though.’

‘Well as long as he’s feeling well in himself. Do you want a cup?’

‘Please?’

‘Does Ben?’

‘He’s asleep,’ Matt replied with his head inside the refrigerator. He pulled out a packet of bacon and put a pan on the hob then got out four slices of bread.

‘Late dinner or supper?’ Adam asked, watching the preparations.

‘Very late lunch.’

Adam laughed. ‘You might as well wait for breakfast!’

Matt laughed with him then abruptly sobered.

‘Dad, he says the machine is ready to test.’

‘Does he now? When does he want to do that?’

‘Depending on how he’s feeling, Sunday, early on.’

‘Sensible, before too many people are around.’ Adam paused thinking for a moment then shrugged. ‘He does need to calibrate it and then we can test the output in isolation in the lab, see if it scrambles correctly.’

Accurately reading his son’s face, Adam continued, ‘He’s the only one who can do that, Matt.’

‘I know, but he’s not in the best of health at the moment. I don’t want him to get hurt.’

‘You need to let him do what he must,’ Adam said. ‘If you really love him, you’ll let him live his life as he must, even let him go, if it ever comes to that.’ He turned back to the kettle to brew their coffees so missed the sudden tension in his son’s frame.

Matt wondered if he did love Ben that much. Could he ever bear to let him out of his life? During the ten days they had been apart Matt had felt only half alive. He still remembered, with a shiver, that dreadful feeling he’d had just before Christmas. That aching, awful, empty place where Ben used to be. Then the strange image of Ben in Milbury between the stones and the sense of waiting. Ben loved him enough to let him go and try to make a new life. He'd proved that by attempting to push him away when he knew his cancer had returned.

‘Oy, your bacon!’ Adam said, bringing him back to reality and plonking his cup of coffee in front of him.

Matt shook himself and turned the bacon over before it burnt completely. He buttered the bread, turned the crisped bacon out, smothered it with brown sauce then cut the sandwiches in half. Taking the food and his coffee through into the lounge he sat and spent a few minutes planning the trip to Milbury with his father.

‘We could pack up the car on Saturday evening,’ Adam said, absently taking a half sandwich off Matt’s plate and sinking his teeth into it. Chewing rapidly he then amended his plan slightly.

‘We can pack it all on Saturday but Ben will have to drop us off outside the circle then drive in by himself. It’s not fair to ask him to carry that machine all the way in, it’s bit heavy.’

Taking another bite and chewing, he continued, ‘We can set off about four in the morning, sunrise is around seven. Gives us plenty of time to get there, let Ben do what he needs to and then get out again before anyone is any the wiser. Yes, that’s the best thing to do. We’d all better get an early night tomorrow evening then.’ Brushing crumbs from the front of his jacket he stood up. ‘Well, I’m for bed. Say hello to Ben for me.’ He drained his mug and set it down on the side table. ‘Nice sandwiches!’ then departed.

Matt sat and ate the rest of his food then thoughtfully finished his coffee then he made himself another cup and sat downstairs drinking that one too. 

What Adam said made perfect sense. Ben could get the calibration readings and easily leave before anyone noticed him, but still he felt a deep sense of foreboding. Finally dismissing the spiralling thought from his mind, he turned off all the lights, checked the front door and went back to bed. Ben didn’t look to have moved at all so Matt climbed in behind him, wrapping his arms around his slender waist. Ben wriggled back against him until he was comfortable again, neither moving again until morning.

‘What’s keeping him?’ Adam asked irritably.

‘Shall I go and see?’ Ben asked, releasing his seat belt.

Before he could leave the car Matt closed the front door, the sound echoing rather loudly in the early morning air then came running towards them holding a small box in front of him.

‘What were you doing?’ Adam asked, releasing the handbrake and pulling smoothly onto the road.

‘Making sandwiches.’

Ben and Adam exchanged a look out of the corner of their eyes but said nothing. Matt sighed loudly and sat back putting the box on the seat beside him.

‘You’ll be grateful for these in a couple of hours!’ he prophesied. 

Two hours later they arrived. Parking in a car park as close to the village as he dared, Adam then killed the engine. They all sat in silence for a few seconds. Pink, orange and a dusky grey from the rising sun provided some illumination.

‘What have you got to eat then?’ Ben asked.

Matt picked up the box and began sorting through the sandwiches.

‘Sausage, bacon and chilli pickle, chicken curry…’

‘Chicken curry? In a sandwich?’ Adam asked disgust in his every word.

‘I’ll have that one!’ Ben said quickly.

Adam looked at him. ‘I thought you were the sensible one!’

‘You haven’t tried it, here.’ He broke off a portion of the sandwich and offered it to Adam, who took it as if he were handling a live grenade. Carefully he took a tiny bite, chewed, swallowed, then took a bigger bite and did the same.

‘This isn’t too bad!’ Adam laughed in surprise.

‘Told you!’ Matt replied. Ben was too busy stuffing his face to talk.

When they’d finished eating, all three got out of the car, ostensibly to shake the crumbs off themselves. 

Adam turned and walked a few feet away to let Matt and Ben have, at least, the illusion of some privacy.

‘You be careful!’ Matt ordered.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine!’ Ben replied.

Matt took his face between his hands as if trying to imprint his image on his memory for all time, before kissing him hard.

‘If you don’t come back, I’ll never forgive you,’ Matt whispered then turned away and joined his father.

Ben drove carefully into the centre of the village, parked the car at the side of the road near a gate in the fencing which separated the stones from the road. 

Quickly he unpacked the machine, loaded it onto the small trolley Adam had thoughtfully packed in the boot with it and wheeled it into the field between two of the standing stones. Working fast, he attached the clamp containing the input antenna to one of the stones and switched the machine on, all the while keeping a look out for anyone coming towards him. He took readings for five minutes then shut it down, unhooked the clamp, loaded it back onto the trolley and was back at Adam’s car within ten minutes. 

He looked around again but still the village was eerily silent. The road was completely empty and not even a dog was barking. He got in and turned the car around, back to where he came from. As he was accelerating he spotted a familiar figure loping over the shoulder of the hill. He pulled into the side of the road again and got out shouting,

‘Dai! Dai!’

The man stopped and looked down the hill at Ben climbing over the gate and coming up the hill towards him.

‘What you doing boy? You trying to kill yourself, you’re ill enough!’ he said sharply to Ben in his strong Welsh accent, helping him to sit down on the broken stone at the side of the path.

‘I’m alright, Dai,’ Ben said breathlessly, grateful to be resting though.

Dai was looking at his face and nodding. ‘You do look better. The treatment working then, boy?’

‘Think so. Listen, where is everybody?’

Dai looked at him oddly.

‘The village looks deserted, where are they all? Mrs Warner, at least, is usually up and about by this time.’

‘You ‘aven’t ‘eard then? I’m sorry boy.’

By now Ben was staring at Dai, wide-eyed and a bit frightened. He’d never heard Dai sound so sad and certainly he’d never heard him apologise to anyone. 

Slowly Dai was taking a newspaper out of his capacious, poacher’s pocket. He proffered the paper. In a trance Ben took it. 

The headlines screamed, ‘Milbury Mystery – 53 missing feared dead’. Underneath the main headline were photos of Adam and Matt, both smiling for the camera. He began to read;

Yesterday the mystery of the deserted village of Milbury deepened with the revelation that eminent astrophysicist, Professor Adam Brake, and his son, Matthew Brake, were amongst the missing people. It is now thirteen days since all communication with the village ceased……

Ben lifted his head and looked at Dai then he looked back down at the paper. The date at the top right hand corner of the page read May 4th 1984. Swiftly he checked his watch, the date there was April 22nd. 

‘Dai, what’s the date?’ Ben asked suddenly.

‘What?’

‘What’s today’s date?’

‘May fifteenth.’

‘This paper is two weeks old?’

‘I was saving it for you, for when you got out of the hospital.’

‘Why didn’t you bring it to me?’

‘You know why.’

‘Tell me again!’

‘I can’t leave the circle!’

‘So where did everyone go?’ Ben was on his feet shouting now.

‘I don’t know!’ Dai shouted back. ‘I woke up that morning and everyone had gone, disappeared. They not been seen since, not one of 'em!’

‘Including Adam and Matt. Oh Matt!’

‘You got to meet him then, Professor Brake and his boy?’

Ben nodded slowly. ‘They’ve been looking after me whilst I’ve been ill. I’ve been staying at their house.’

‘Sorry boy, I’m very sorry,’ Dai said, awkwardly patting his arm.

‘I’ve got to go!’ Ben said suddenly jumping up and running off down the hill to the car.

‘Where you going?’ Dai shouted after him.

‘To find out what happened to Matt and Adam,’ Ben shouted back. 

He leapt into the car, turned the ignition and gunned the engine. Taking off in a spray of gravel and dust he was soon exceeding the speed limit. He sped past the place where he’d driven off from Adam and Matt and was totally unprepared to see them, still sitting at a picnic table in the car park that he jammed on the brakes suddenly. The car slewed madly, tyres screeching and leaving rubber marks on the road. He recovered control put it into reverse and drove into the car park towards them. Both their faces wore stunned expressions. He pressed the brake but in his haste to leave the car and get to them he stalled the engine. Leaving the driver’s side door wide open he ran to them, still clutching the newspaper.

He reached for Matt, touching his face, pulling him into a bear hug then put out a hand to grip Adam’s arm as well.

‘You’re alive! Thank god! You’re alive!’

‘Ben, what happened? What have they done to you?’ Matt asked appalled, lowering his white and shaking lover to the wooden seat before he fell down. ‘You’re alright, you’re safe now.’ 

‘No, no I’m not!’

Adam took the paper out of his hands and began to read then sat down suddenly too. 

Matt was torn between comforting Ben or reading the paper over Adam’s his shoulder. His curiosity won.

‘In a month’s time, I kill everyone in Milbury, including you two!’ Ben said, horrified.

‘There’s no reason to suppose it’s anything to do with you, Ben,’ Adam said, still reading.

‘The machine doesn’t work! Something goes wrong and it kills everyone,’ Ben sobbed.

‘I don’t think so,’ Adam replied. ‘You didn’t read all of this, did you?’

Ben shook his head, sniffing hard. Adam shook out the paper and read aloud,

‘One of the few surviving villagers, Benjamin Abeleyard, was still under sedation yesterday at John Radcliffe hospital where, on the day of the mass disappearance, he was receiving treatment for leukaemia. His mother and twin brother are listed amongst those missing.’

‘You weren’t there,’ Matt said, tightening his hold. ‘How can your machine have killed everyone when you weren’t even in the village on the right day?’

Ben looked at Adam then back at Matt. Adam turned the newspaper round so Ben could read it for himself. Slowly he took the paper and re-read the paragraph then went back to the beginning and read the whole article. Before he'd finished he was being ushered to his feet and back into the car.

‘Come on, let's get out of here. We'll think about this nearer home’

Ten minutes after they set off Ben requested that Adam stop the car. He got out and was comprehensively sick at the side of the road. 

Matt offered him some water to rinse his mouth out from the bottle he'd brought with them. The rest of the journey was accomplished in near complete silence.

By the time they were near home Ben was much calmer and had begun to think more clearly. 

Adam went straight to the kettle to make coffee, adding a generous slug of brandy to each cup.

‘First things first, have you ever seemingly gone into a future reality before?’ Adam asked.

‘Don't know. This is the first time I've seen a printed date. I've never had the opportunity to compare a printed date with a real date, if you will.’

‘So, some of the realities may have been future but not all of them?’ Adam asked.

‘Reasonable assumption.’

Matt suddenly thought about what they were very calmly discussing. His partner could step through different futures and pasts of the village where he’d been born. He shook his head and tuned back into the discussion which had moved on.

‘Dai said…’

‘Dai?’ Matt questioned. ‘Dai the poacher?’

‘Yes,’ Ben smiled. ‘The same one. He's the one who seems to have some …’

‘….instinctive understanding,’ Matt and Adam chorused together.

‘That's one thing that hasn't changed in the last five years,’ said Adam, finishing his coffee and holding the still warm mug between his palms. ‘Is Dai always there?’

‘He seems to be. Can't say I've seen him every time though,’ Ben replied thinking back.

‘Hendricks?’

Ben shook his head. ‘Only saw him once. The squire looks like him but isn't called Hendricks.’

‘Very interesting!’ Adam said. ‘Link?’

‘He's still there.’

‘Miss Clegg?’

‘Yes.’

Adam went through a list of names which he could remember from his brief stay in Milbury. They were all names that Ben knew.

Matt was silent throughout most of the discussion a theory, half formed, floating around in his mind. The missing piece maddeningly just out of reach.

‘Anything to contribute Matt?’ his father asked.

‘I think we're missing something here and it's no use asking me what, I'm not sure.’

‘Any clues whatsoever?’ Ben asked.

‘Not really,’ Matt replied.

Adam was gazing into the depths of his coffee cup as if it held all the answers.

‘You could try your little party piece again,’ he remarked softly, not looking at his son.

‘No point.’

‘Why?’

‘Already tried it, it’s stopped working again.’

‘When did you try that?’ Ben asked in surprise.

‘A few weeks ago,’ Matt replied, evasively.

‘So it was only that one time?’ Adam questioned carefully.

Matt nodded but didn’t meet his father's eyes. 

Now Adam knew he was lying but decided to let Matt tell him the truth in his own good time.

Changing the subject he asked,

‘With all the excitement I forgot to check, you did get the calibration readings, didn’t you?’

Ben nodded.

‘Let's get to and get them recorded and analysed then. See what we've captured.’

Using Adam's entry card got them into the labs without a problem. Between them Matt and Adam hoisted the machine up on the bench whilst Ben connected it up to a recorder and an external power source. He flicked the switch for the analyser section to unload its data onto the recorder then Matt and Ben gathered around Adam whilst he brought up a visual of the wave form.

‘It's cycling!’

‘Interesting, let's see what your scrambler makes of it.’

Adam connected up the output clamp to another oscilloscope and switched on. They watched for a few seconds until Ben swore softly under his breath,

‘Bugger!’

He turned away wrapping his arms over his head.

‘It's not too far off, Ben,’ Matt said, still staring at the screen.

‘No, it isn't,’ Adam agreed, straightening up. ‘A few additions to the analyser and I think it'll be there.’ 

He stretched up, yawning.

‘What time is it?’

‘Twenty past twelve,’ Matt replied.

‘Right, I don't know about you two but I'm hungry and tired. I need some lunch. Come on, I'm buying,’ Adam said, disconnecting everything and switching off the power source.

‘He's buying!’ Matt repeated, helping with alacrity. 

A few minutes later they were striding across the campus heading out to the pub on the corner which sold decent food at reasonable prices. 

After working their way through their Sunday lunch, all three headed back to the car then Adam drove home. Adam fell asleep in his chair whilst Matt and Ben did actually make it upstairs to their bed. Ben slept only fitfully and woke early. 

The problem had a solution and Ben wanted that solution implemented as soon as possible.  
He got out of bed and went to Matt's desk, his own notes scattered all over the surface. Sitting down he was soon so engrossed he didn't hear Matt wake up or realise the time.

‘How long have you been doing that?’ Matt asked, sitting down beside him hair still mussed and sticking up. He could see pages and pages covered with figures.

‘Dunno,’ he replied distracted. 

After a few more minutes Ben sat back with a sigh.

‘I think that's it. Do you mind checking these for me?’ 

‘'Course not!’ Matt pulled the first sheet towards him, yawned, and started going through the calculations. 

Ben stood up and got undressed, swaying with fatigue.

‘Going for a shower,’ he muttered.

Matt was roused from his contemplations by a crash from the bathroom. He arrived just in time to see Ben settling himself, crossed-legged, in the bottom of the shower tray.

‘I'm staying here!’ he said wearily.

‘What was that noise?’

‘Me. I slipped.’

‘You OK?’

Ben nodded, rubbing the soapy sponge over his arms.

‘You want a hand?’

He shook his head and continued to wash himself. Matt twitched the shower door back into place and went back to the bedroom, keeping half an ear open for any more unexpected crashes and bangs from the bathroom but nothing untoward happened before he heard the water being switched off and then Ben trailing back into the bedroom and into bed.

It was well after one in the morning before Matt and Adam had finished going through Ben's work. Adam was very impressed with the way both young men had handled the problems and worked through the possible solutions between them; they made a very good team. 

The preliminary work done, it now just remained for theory to be translated into practical terms. But that could wait; both Adam and Matt were very, very tired.

Monday and Tuesday Ben spent working on changes to the machine, working as long as he was physically able. Both days Matt came to help him after he'd finished his tutorials for the day. 

Matt initially looked around for the blue and purple ski hat before he remembered Ben's hair had begun to grow back so he had stopped wearing the hat. Now he had to look for a black fuzz bobbing about above the benches. He spotted him and watched him shift position carefully, his hip, heavily bruised from his fall in the shower on Sunday, was obviously aching still.

‘Hello skinhead!’ Matt whispered rubbing his hand over the dark fuzz.

‘Hi,’ Ben replied slowly, preoccupied with the innards of the analyser. He finished fitting the component in his hand and then smiled up at Matt. ‘Had a good day?’

‘Not too bad. You?’

‘Not too bad. Think I could be ready for a retest tomorrow.’

‘Well done!’ Matt was clearly impressed. ‘Are you ready for going home soon?’

‘Nearly. Why do you need to go somewhere?’ 

As Ben stood up Matt slid his arms around his waist and kissed him between the shoulder blades.

‘Need to go to the supermarket. No food at home.’

Ben laughed.

‘Is Adam always so dire at keeping the larder full?’

‘Yep. It's always been either me or mum who kept food on the table.’

‘Was she a sandwich maker as well?’ he asked, curious as where that particular talent came from.

‘That's all my own work,’ Matt replied, resting the side of his head against Ben's spine and breathing in his scent through his clothes as Ben disconnected everything and tidied the bench. 

As the heavy outside door to the lab banged shut, Matt dropped his arms and moved back. He looked apologetically at Ben for his over reaction. 

Ben smiled back reflecting the incident at The Tin Whistle had affected Matt quite deeply and in some ways curbed his naturally affectionate disposition. A big shame in one way but probably a good survival trait in another. 

He finished packing up his tools and locked the machine down carefully.

‘We've been invited to a party on Friday night,’ Matt said, holding open the door for Ben.

‘Oh yeah? Where?’ 

‘Zimmy's, Dad's been invited too. Sounds like it could be a bit of a riot.’

Ben grinned, Professor Ziminski’s parties were rather legendary!

The next day, Wednesday, Ben spent in the labs again. Some very minor adjustments were required which took longer than envisioned making it too late for him to do a comprehensive test so he left it until Thursday. Thursday afternoon he did several tests, one after the other, even feeding in different recorded wave forms. The analyser worked perfectly, producing the correct signal to scramble the input signal and pump the resultant distorted wave form out of the output antenna.

He sat back quietly at his bench, exhausted but satisfied.

‘Well done Ben!’ the quiet voice of Adam floated over him.

He jumped, startled.

‘How long have you been there?’

‘About an hour. You were concentrating, I didn’t want to disturb you.’

‘I didn’t even hear you come in! What do you think? You think it’ll handle anything the circle can throw at it?’

‘It should do. Can’t see why it wouldn’t. When were you thinking of doing the deed?’

Ben thought for a second. ‘Sunday morning? Like last week.’

‘Sounds good to me. We’ll help you get set up.’

‘No you won’t!’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘You and Matt will be waiting for me at home.’

‘Don’t be daft! I should have thought about this last week instead of letting you walk into a situation on your own but what happens if the reality you walk into this time has everyone gathered in the circle?’

‘The same thing as would have happened last time, I drive out and then go back in and try to hit a quiet one.’

‘We can help you with this.’

‘You already have done. More than I can ever repay. But you’re not going into that circle. I can get out, should something go wrong, both of you would be stuck.’

‘No, we won’t. The device will work. Everyone will be able to get out.’

‘If it doesn’t, if for some reason it fails? No, it’s not worth the risk!’

The argument ranged on, long and hard. It continued from the lab after Ben and Adam had tidied up, across the car park. There was a brief cessation as they drove home in separate cars then it began again, with Matt backing his father up. 

Adam was positive the device wouldn’t fail, otherwise he would not be suggesting he put either his own or Matt’s life at risk. But, like Matt, he was very unhappy at Ben going back into the circle alone again. He liked him for himself and loved him as Matt’s partner. 

No way were Matt or Adam going to let Ben walk into that circle again, on his own. Both Matt and Adam wanted to be there to watch as well. After several hours of the same reasons being put forward and rejected out of hand by Ben, Matt changed his tack slightly. 

He agreed Ben did have a point, if the device failed then they would be stuck. But he was still determined to be near by so he got Ben to agree to drop them off at the car park, where he had left then last time. 

The compromise was reached in the very early hours of Friday morning so they decided to call it a day.

 

Matt left Ben sleeping on Friday morning. He didn’t have a hospital appointment so he could get some rest in, ahead of the party and the other activities planned over the weekend.

By Friday afternoon though it looked like Ben would not be making Zimmy’s party. He was listless and pale. Matt wanted to take him to the hospital but Ben insisted he would be OK with a couple of paracetamol and a few hours sleep. Matt was unconvinced and decided he would stay with Ben, to make sure he was alright. Ben laughed.

‘Go to the party! I’ll be fine. I’ve just overdone it a bit this week, that’s all. Go and enjoy yourself for a few hours, you certainly deserve it.’

It took some additional persuasion but in the end Matt agreed to go to the party. Once there, however, he didn’t really enjoy himself. He was too worried about Ben and what might happen on Sunday morning. 

By midnight he’d had enough. He went to find his father to tell him he was going home only to find Adam putting his coat on as well.

‘Come on, let’s sneak away,’ he said, over the noise of the music. ‘I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I think I’m getting too old for this!’

Matt grinned. It was nothing of the sort, they were all genuinely tired and had been working hard that whole week. The prospect of seeing the plan come to fruition in a couple of days time coupled with Ben not being completely well, didn’t lend itself to too much enjoyment. 

Ben didn’t look as if he had moved at all since Matt had seen him into bed. As quietly as he could, Matt got undressed and slid in beside him.

‘You’re back early.’

‘I thought you were asleep.’

‘I was, until this block of ice got into bed with me!’

Matt giggled softly. ‘Sorry!’

Ben wrapped him in his arms and legs to warm him. After five minutes of this kind of warming therapy, which didn't bring much success, Ben resorted to another kind, which did have the desired effect. 

Ben kissed his damp forehead as Matt wrapped his arms around him, sated and content.

‘I love you,’ Ben whispered, knowing he wouldn’t get a reciprocal declaration, or not in words anyway. 

Matt drifted off to sleep, his hold on his partner slipping. 

Ben watched Matt sleep for a while longer then slid out of bed. A drawn out session of hot sex generally left Matt sleeping deeply for at least an hour afterwards. Ben felt guilty about using his knowledge of Matt this way, but reasoned it was worth it if it kept him safe. Silently he pulled a pre-prepared note out from under his pillow and left it where Matt would see it when he awoke. 

He’d already left his clothes in the bathroom so he wouldn’t wake anyone when getting dressed. Silently he departed the house. Under no circumstances was he going to permit Adam or Matt to get hurt over this scheme. They had already supported him in so many ways and he would not be able to live with himself if anything happened to either of them. He wished the letter he’d left for Matt had said more but it was the best he could do. 

He had already packed the device and the trolley in his own car on Friday afternoon. His plea of illness was an excuse to make sure he got enough rest and sleep and consequently had enough energy to carry out his self-appointed task. Ziminski’s party invitation was just a happy coincidence. With a bit of luck he could even be back after having accomplished the task before either of them awoke. That thought kept him buoyed up for most of his journey, totally unaware Matt and Adam were speeding down the road after him. 

Matt was too sensitised to Ben's absences from bed to sleep deeply when his subconscious had registered he was no longer beside him. Sleepily he opened his eyes. The bedside light was still on but Ben's side of the bed was cool. Matt bounded out of bed and into the bathroom convinced Ben had taken a turn for the worst, but the bathroom was in darkness. Returning slowly to their bedroom he finally spotted the letter laying on the pillow.

Within ten minutes Matt had Adam out of bed, dressed and in the car. Luckily he hadn't had much to drink at Zimmy's party so wasn't too worried about being stopped for drink driving. He was almost as angry as Matt with Ben. He thought they had all agreed that they would be involved in this together, he should have known better. Ben was as worried for Matt's and his own safety as they were for his. Thinking about it clearly, it was rather an admirable trait, really. 

The act of driving at speed at night was calming Adam down but he could almost feel the temper coming off Matt in seething waves.

‘What are you going to say if we catch up with him?’ Adam asked.

‘Say? I'm not going to say anything, I'm going to rip his fucking head off!’

‘That'll be useful!’ Adam remarked, mildly.

Matt shot him a venomous look and returned to watching the road through the windscreen.

‘Can't you go any faster?’ Matt asked a few minutes later.

‘Not if you want us to get there in one piece, we're doing over eighty now. How much of a start do you think he's got on us?’

‘Don't think it can be more than an hour.’

Adam frowned.

‘How fast can that old jalopy of his go?’

‘Fairly fast. You paid for a tune-up at Christmas, remember?’

Adam grimaced.

‘I'm going to be having a word with George when we get back. Mine never improves by so much after he's had his hands on it.’

Matt lips curved in a slight smile. The smile dropped from his face when he saw the sky lightening in the East.

‘Dad, the sun's rising.’

Adam swore under his breath and floored the accelerator. The car leapt forward.

Ben drove into the circle of stones. As he passed the invisible boundary he was sure he felt something like a static charge dance over him then dissipate. Imagination, he told himself. The sun was over the horizon by now, a golden red ball streaking the sky with deep pinks and oranges. It looked like it was going to be a lovely day. 

He was even humming under his breath as he opened the boot and extracted the trolley. He loaded the device onto the trolley, locked his car and wheeled it through the gate into the field. The morning was quite chilly, despite the lovely sunrise. Ben's breath rose in clouds as he pushed the trolley up the slight incline and positioned it between the stones. Unloading the device he repositioned it slightly. 

He'd chosen these two stones because they were furthest away from the village centre and so, theoretically, he had less chance of being discovered. However he'd neglected to take into account the fact he'd been driving his own car and not being driven in Adam's more powerful beast. Consequently he was a lot later setting up than he'd wanted to be. He extended the input antenna and clamped it into place. He lifted his head to take a quick look around and noticed he had a bit of an audience. Several people had gathered at the side of the road and were watching him. 

‘Shit!’ he swore. He thought he heard a shout but couldn't spare the time to look around. He then tried to extend the output antenna, but the clamp mechanism was stiff on this side. He turned the metal tubing with all his strength. It came free with a slight grinding sound. He unscrewed it to its full extent then felt a tap on his shoulder. Startled he looked around from his crouching position on the ground. 

At the last second he tried to dodge the fist coming at his face and managed to deflect its full force. The blow still knocked him over, sending him a couple of feet closer to the stone and splitting the skin across his cheekbone. For a few seconds he saw stars. A lot of shouting seemed to have broken out around him, and he could hear the sound of fists connecting as well. Confused he lifted his head to see Matt laying into the bloke who had knocked him down and Adam, just behind, putting Link down with a roundhouse punch. 

Taking advantage of the situation he got up and reached for the output antenna clamp. One half was still attached to the device; the other was lying several inches away. He'd broken it when he'd been knocked down. He looked out of the circle, between the stones to see his audience had swollen in numbers and were only a few yards away from them. Looking back he saw Matt and Adam keeping two more men away from him. His knights in shining armour had doomed themselves. They would be stuck here until he could repair the machine and there was no guarantee he would get back into this reality either. 

The thought of how Matt must have overcome his fear of this place to come to his aid and wade into the fight for him made his heart swell. He couldn't leave them here whilst he waltzed out of the circle and found the tools and parts to repair the device. 

Taking a deep breath he set the input to gather data then he flicked the output to on. A brief shock ran up his arm before he dropped the output antenna. Of course! The antenna didn't need to be attached to the stone with metal tubing, it was just that using metal was safer. With these frequencies, transmission could occur equally well though flesh and blood. 

He picked up the end of the output tube, the shock making the hair on the back of his neck stand up then he stood and reached out to the stone.

‘Ben, No!’ Matt screamed at the top of his voice but he was too late. 

The instant Ben made contact with the stone, the device and his body were bathed in a brilliant white light.

The man Adam was fighting stopped, with his fist pulled back, but his image began to move and blur like a poor projection onto a screen. Looking around him Adam saw that all the villagers were the same. The 'blurring' was so bad it made it difficult to look at any of them for a period of time as the visual input upset his sense of balance quite badly and made him feel sick. 

The stones were steady and he appeared to be steady too. It was Ben who made him stop and stare. The light around him was brilliant but soft, seeming to enclose and protect him. Matt had ducked under his outstretch arm and was standing in front of him, making desperate attempts to touch him, but he couldn't get through the light to Ben. Adam ran between the stones.

‘Matt!’

‘I can't get to him Dad! I can't touch him!’ Matt shouted, tears running down his face and his voice choking on the last words.

Adam couldn't take his eyes off Ben. His head was turned up slightly, his eyes closed and he didn't seem to be aware of anything. 

The direction of the brilliance lit his face showing the pure form of his bone structure, lighting his skin so it almost glowed like the most perfect alabaster. His position with his arms outstretched reminded Adam, unpleasantly, of a crucifixion. But it was his face, more than anything, which drew the eye. His expression, one of such beatific peace, made him ache to join him in that state of bliss, even the cut across his cheek didn't detract from the image. He looked so breathtakingly beautiful it took a few minutes before he heard what his son was saying.

‘It's my fault. This is all my fault.’

‘No, Matt. It isn't. Ben wanted this integration to work, we helped him. We didn't know this was going to happen.’

‘I did,’ Matt said in a soft voice, his gaze never wavering from Ben's face. 

‘What?’ Then Adam understood. Matt had lied to them both about his psychometric abilities leaving him. ‘You saw all this?’

Matt nodded. ‘Every time. It never changed. The villagers aren’t dead or missing, they're stuck here, waiting.’

Again Matt put his hands up to try and touch Ben's face but he couldn't penetrate the light.

‘This is my fault, isn't it Ben? I need to do the one thing I don't think I can, don't I?’

Adam was completely at a loss now.

‘I can't Ben! I can't do it. I can't carry on without you. I don't want to. I'll take your place! I will! I'll stay chained to this rock for all eternity if that's what it takes.’

Still there was no reaction from Ben. Adam followed the line of Ben's arms. His left arm melded completely with the metal tubing of the output antenna, his right flowed into the stone. It should have looked grotesque but somehow didn't. It simply provided additional proof of how deeply Ben was linked within the circle.

‘Please!’ Matt shrieked. ‘Please! I can't do that. I cannot do that!’ 

He raised his fists and pummelled Ben but the light repulsed him as easily as it had before. He stopped, resting his forearms and forehead against the wall of light, sobbing. Slowly the sobs grew quieter and then stopped. Matt took a deep breath and drew back looking up at Ben's face again. 

Within his crystal shell Ben drew a deep breath and opened his eyes. Adam had thought the transformation of Ben's face was breathtaking, but the unconditional love and all encompassing compassion shining from his eyes cast his physical appearance into insignificance.

Matt looked his fill of the man standing in front of him then lifted his hands, seeking and asking permission this time, rather than demanding in fear and anger. 

Firstly his fingertips, then his hands slid into the light. His hands moulding themselves to Ben's face before he stepped into the light with his love.

‘Together?’ Matt asked, hoping against hope for some cosmic last minute reprieve.

Ben looked down at him. He didn't need to say anything. Matt kissed his lips gently. Looking into his eyes he said the words,

‘I love you and I release you! I'll always love you.’

A deep tone sounded. It ran up the soles of the feet and sounded, clear and resonant, in the bones. Cleanly the light withdrew from Matt and coalesced around Ben who was smiling at Matt. His lips moved.

‘Thank you!’

A brief flash within the crystal shell and Ben had gone. The tone was increasing in volume, the ground beginning to shake beneath their feet. 

Adam grabbed onto Matt, both of them trying to get away from the circle of stones. They were now the only ones standing nearby. Trying to run down the slight slope was their undoing, the tremors were increasing and the resonance in their bones made thinking or even moving difficult. 

A tearing shrieking noise, followed by a loud boom, which echoed across the plain, were the last things Adam remembered before he passed out.

 

‘Matt! Come on Matt, wake up!’

He knew the voice but he wasn't sure where from. His eyes flickered open onto the sight of a beloved face. 

‘Ben?’

‘No, I'm not Ben. He's still in hospital. I'm Simon.’

‘Simon?’

‘Ben's twin.’

The dark eyes flickered anxiously between Matt and his father, who was standing a few feet away. He was worried about the young man. He seemed very confused and disorientated.

‘Did you hit your head?’ he asked, before carrying out a gentle but thorough examination for lumps on Matt's cranium. 

‘There doesn't seem to be any bumps,’ he said. ‘Matt, how many fingers am I holding up?’ he asked, waving three fingers about in front of his face.

‘Three,’ Matt replied with disdain.

‘Look at me,’ he said, before proceeding to look deeply into Matt's eyes.

It was an unpleasant experience for Matt, he was used to looking deeply into identical dark brown eyes but these held no sign of recognition at all.

‘I'm alright!’ Matt said irritably, fighting him off and trying to get to his feet.

‘Steady! You've been out for a while,’ Simon remonstrated. Then he raised his voice. ‘Professor!’

Adam turned and saw Matt getting unsteadily to his feet. He handed over the cup and saucer he had been drinking from and jogged over to Matt.

‘How are you feeling?’

Matt ignored the question and looked around. He was standing at the foot of the slope leading into the circle.

‘Matt?’

‘What happened?’

‘There was an earth tremor,’ Adam replied. ‘It knocked us all down but you were nearest the magnetometer when it blew. Simon's been looking after you. He's reading medicine at Cambridge.’

Matt looked at his father for some kind of visual clue as to how much he could ask. Imperceptibly Adam shook his head.

Matt turned and headed for the circle. The device was still sitting there, or rather the remains of it. Its innards had spilled over the ground and were semi-melted into puddles of metal and plastic. It was unrecognisable and could have been anything. 

He looked at the stone. A darkened patch on the rock, which could have been a handprint, was the only indication something strange may have happened. Another lump of metal a couple of feet away caught his eye. Automatically he felt for his watch, which was no longer on his wrist. So that was his watch gone too. Matt still felt inordinately confused. The trolley was still there, though.

Adam ghosted up to his side.

‘Think we should get what's left back to the university, don't you?’

Matt nodded and helped his father load the remains onto the trolley.

‘By the way, I've told Simon that your partner, Ben, recently passed away and he looked a little like him, that's why you were confused. Alright?’

Matt nodded.

‘He still thinks you should get checked out in hospital, though.’

‘Dad, did it work?’ Matt asked, ignoring the comment about the hospital.

Adam turned him round and pointed to the road where his car was parked.

‘I walked over the hill and picked up the car. If you hadn't woken up Simon and I were going to put you in the back seat and take you to hospital.’

Matt looked at his father's face. ‘Are you sure?’

‘As sure as I can be. Why?’

‘Remember the psychometry at Christmas?’

‘How could I forget?’

‘When I picked up Ben's toothbrush, it hurt, literally hurt!’

‘And it doesn't now?’

‘A bit. But not as bad as I thought it would.’

‘Early days Matt,’ Adam said, putting his arm around him. ‘You've only just lost him.’

Matt picked up the handles of the trolley and wheeled it rapidly down the slope, impatiently dismissive of Adam's advice. He knew what he felt and he knew what he had felt, the emotional content was different. As he passed Simon chatting to Miss Clegg he paused.

‘Thanks for looking after me. Sorry I was so rude.’

‘It’s OK, but I still think you could do with a check-up.’

‘Why? I've had a doctor looking me over.’

Simon grinned. ‘Not quite qualified yet!’

‘Near enough. Good luck.’

‘Thanks. You too.’

Matt continued on to the car, looking to neither right nor left. He had to wait a while until Adam got there though. Then he had Simon in tow as well.

‘As we're going that way, I said I'd drop Simon off at John Radcliffe,’ Adam said casually unlocking the boot.

‘I'm fine Dad. I don't need a hospital.’

‘I'm going to see my brother and tell him all about the excitement. He'll be very miffed he's missed it all.’

‘Oh, right.’

Simon helped Matt load everything into the boot then Matt scrambled into the back seat leaving Simon to sit in the front with Adam. He was still feeling rather raw and wanted time to think but Simon's voice was so familiar, so like Ben's, he found himself listening instead. 

Simon chattered on about his brother who had had to give up his studies when he had a relapse but he was responding well to treatment now. He was a fan of Adam's work in astrophysics. No, Ben had wanted, originally, to study medicine but having been in and out of hospital for so many years he'd gone off the idea. Ben now wanted to study engineering and design, but he still retained an interest in astrophysics. 

Matt's face curled up in a smile at that. His Ben had been a good design engineer as well.

Ben would need to go to summer school though, for some 'catch-up' work, but Simon was certain Ben would be restarting his degree this October. 

Listening to the lively voices made the journey pass quickly. As they pulled into the car park Simon asked a favour.

‘I know it's a bit cheeky of me, after you've given me a lift and everything, but would you mind coming into to say hello to Ben. He'd love it!’

‘I'd be delighted to,’ Adam replied, laughing. ‘You coming in as well, Matt?’

‘I'll stay in the car, thanks Dad. Nice meeting you Simon,’ he replied civilly. 

He'd had a hard enough time looking at Simon and not seeing the welcoming recognition he was used to, he didn't want to have to do that twice in one day. He now knew, without the shadow of a doubt that his Ben had, gone. He'd given his own life to facilitate the integration of all the different circles of time existing around Milbury. As part of that Matt had needed to acknowledge he loved Ben enough to do that. To let him go and fulfil his own destiny. It had been the most difficult thing he'd ever done.

The 'quick hello' turned into a half hour visit. Eventually Adam came back and got into the driver's seat.

‘Didn't recognise you, did he?’ Matt asked.

‘Oh he did! But he didn't know me.’

Matt stared straight ahead through the windscreen.

‘You were hoping he would be my Ben, weren't you?’

Adam nodded.

‘Get used to it Dad. Now that everything is integrated again, he doesn't know us and he's not part of our family anymore. He's got his own family back.’

‘I'm sorry Matt. I know what it's like to lose a partner, but not in these circumstances.’

He reached out for Matt's hand and held it tightly.

‘Let's go home Dad.’

Home was subtly changed too. There was nothing in there which didn't belong to either Matt or Adam, not even so much as a face cloth or towel. The final straw were Ben's notes which had been scattered all over his desk. They were now just blank sheets of paper. 

Matt put his head down on the desk and cried, for hours. Adam couldn’t do or say anything which seemed to comfort him. Finally he fell into a deep, exhausted sleep.

When he awoke he was quieter than Adam was used to, but quite composed. 

Adam made discrete enquiries but no-one at the University seemed to remember any young man called Ben Abeleyard. It was literally as if he had only ever existed in Matt and Adam’s minds.

Even before the end of the Easter break Matt immersed himself in his studies. He worked as if it was the only salve his soul required. He refused most social invitations giving the excuse he needed to catch up with his work. 

Spring advanced into a warm early summer but Adam could still see the depths of a lonely bitter winter in Matt's eyes. He too mourned for Ben, and it broke his heart to see Matt like this but there was nothing he could do for him. He was there to support him and love him but this was one battle he had to fight alone. 

One evening, several weeks after he’d lost Ben, Adam placed a copy of a newspaper at Matt’s elbow.

‘What’s that?’ he asked without looking up from his notes.

‘Read it and find out,’ Adam suggested.

Matt picked up the newspaper with an irritable sigh and began to read, quickly forgetting his initial annoyance. By the end of the article, Matt was open-mouthed.

‘When our Ben sets out to do something, he does it well!’ Adam said, smiling down at his son.

‘But to crack the stone dish under the circle all the way across? Do you think he knew that would happen?’

‘Don’t know. I think he was concentrating more on temporal integration. That does tell us one thing though, there won’t be any more problems around Milbury. With the dish gone the power won’t be able to focus properly.’

Matt smiled.

‘What?’

‘You called him ‘our Ben’.’

‘Isn’t he?’

Matt sadly smiled again and nodded, turning back to his notes.

It wasn't really surprising when Matt's results came back with a first class honours degree in mathematics. A small smile almost reached his eyes that day, but not quite. 

For the first time that evening though, he got totally drunk with the rest of his class and was carried back, white and hungover, the next morning by one of his classmates.

A few days later Adam was extremely surprised to see Matt's name on the summer school coaching rota. When asked why, his reply was, why not? He had nothing better to do. He even intimated he was thinking of taking a year out before deciding whether or not to do his doctorate. 

Adam was quietly supportive of his decisions but wasn't sure how he would cope with coaching maths classes at summer school. He attended the preparation classes and assiduously put together notes for teaching purposes, spending a large proportion of his time on them. Adam, wandering downstairs, rather later than usual one Friday morning watched Matt pick up the post from the doormat, sort through it then stop dead, staring at one of the letters in his hand.

‘Matt, what is it?’

Matt's hands were shaking, his face, when he lifted it, was stark and white. Silently he handed over the envelope and Adam saw the reason for the over the top reaction. The handwriting was Ben's.

Quickly Adam slit the envelope and pulled out the sheet of paper. His shoulders slumped in visible relief.

‘It's from the other Ben.’

Matt's eyes flickered as he lowered himself into the nearest chair.

‘I saw the handwriting and thought…..’

‘You might want to rethink your place on that teaching rota,’ Adam said, scan reading the rest of the letter. ‘He's coming to summer school, maths particularly. Simon is coming up for the second week and they wondered if they could take us out for a drink.’

Adam sat back in another chair and breathed out noisily.

‘You know it never occurred to me they would have such similar handwriting.’

‘Nor me,’ Matt replied. ‘God, that gave me a shock!’ he admitted.

Adam made them both a light breakfast of toast and a heavily brandy dosed coffee each. Sitting eating breakfast Adam finally noticed it was a lovely sunny day outside. On impulse he asked,

‘Do you fancy going somewhere for lunch?’

Matt looked confused at the suggestion, then his face cleared.

‘OK. Where?’

‘We could go for a walk along the river and find a pub somewhere.’

‘Alright, I'll go and get my trainers.’

It was a nice day, pleasant and not too strenuous. Matt even seemed to remember how to smile on a couple of occasions which warmed Adam's heart. He even suggested they do it again, soon, which heartened Adam even more. He wasn't used to having such a quiet, grief stricken son but he trusted in Matt's judgement of his own emotional state. Matt would decide when he was ready to rejoin the world.

Adam answered Ben's letter, inviting him to come and knock on his door whenever he arrived. He was hoping this would get Matt used to seeing Ben's face again before he started coaching him.

His invitation was answered sooner than he expected. On opening the door to a knock, early one evening, he was confronted with Simon smiling at him and his mirror image twin, however Ben now sported blonde streaky hair! Adam stared at the vision before him then laughed.

‘Sorry Ben! The hair threw me.’

Ben smiled. The same sweet smile he remembered and put his hand up to his head.

‘I'd forgotten about that!’

‘It looks….different,’ Adam said, diplomatically.

Simon laughed out loud and said,

‘He wanted to show off the fact he's got hair again!’

‘Come in, come in. You're obviously doing well then?’

‘Yeah, got the all clear just after Easter. I go back for check-ups but I feel fine. My own personal doctor here keeps examining me!’

‘You qualified! Congratulations, well done!’ Adam exclaimed, genuinely pleased for him. ‘Can I get you both a drink?’

‘We were hoping we could take you and Matt out.’

‘That would be nice. I'll go and see if Matt is in,’ Adam said. ‘You go through and sit down.’

Adam bounded upstairs to Matt's room wanting to prepare him before he met 'Ben' again but Matt wasn't in his room. Puzzled Adam went back downstairs following the sound of voices into the garden. 

It was a bit late for preparation, Matt had been sitting in the garden reading when Simon and Ben had entered the garden. Matt looked OK, he was talking. It was Ben who had become a little quiet. All three heads turned to look at him.

‘I was looking for you.’

‘You found me,’ Matt replied, softening the remark with a smile. 

‘Simon and …..’

‘Yes, I know. Shall we have a drink here first then move off?’ Matt asked, suddenly sounding very much more adult than Adam was used to. ‘There's some beer and wine in the fridge or do you prefer something stronger?’

‘Wine's fine for me,’ Simon replied.  
‘Beer sounds good, thanks,’ Ben said, with a faintly puzzled air. He leaned forward in his chair and asked Matt, ‘Have we met before?’

Adam froze.

‘I don't think so,’ Matt replied quite coolly. ‘Unless you were masquerading as Simon?’

‘No, got over doing that a few years ago,’ he laughed.

They drank slowly not setting out to the pub until darkness was starting to fall. All in all it was a pleasant evening. With three good-looking young men, Adam noticed they drew a lot of looks. The twins looked very good, both dressed in white, with light tans and dark glasses, but Adam did notice it was only Simon who responded to the smiles from the ladies, Ben returned the smiles mechanically and Matt very rarely responded to any 'come ons' these days, so he wasn't unduly surprised at his lack of response, even when a young student tried to chat him up at the bar. The thwarting of the attempted pick-up may have had something to do with Ben suddenly looming up behind Matt, enquiring sweetly if he wanted a hand with the drinks. Matt introduced them both, quite oblivious to the raised hackles on both sides. Simon saw it though, and grinned, wolfishly.

‘Something I should know?’ Adam enquired.

‘I just had a strong feeling those two would get on,’ Simon explained.

‘Hope your brother is a patient man, I'm not sure Matt is ready to tackle another relationship just yet,’ Adam replied.

‘Ben's usually patient, he won't rush things,’ Simon assured Adam. ‘Though, I'm not too sure where that came from,’ he added, nodding over to where Ben was helping Matt collect drinks and baring his teeth in a parody of a smile at the man Matt had just introduced to him.

‘Well if he is interested, tell him to go easy. You both look a lot like his previous partner,’ Adam warmed Simon. ‘Or rather you do, Ben doesn't at the moment.’

‘Oh! That's not going to be easy for him,’ Simon said, losing his smile. ‘Poor bloke.’

That particular line of conversation came to an end when Matt and Ben returned with the next round of drinks.

After the pub shut and Ben and Simon were settling into their room in the halls of residence, where Ben would be staying for the next three weeks, Ben said,

‘Si, I'm sure I've met him before. He seems so familiar.’

‘That's odd! Adam told me we look like his partner who died earlier this year.’

‘Oh bloody 'ell! Ben said with feeling, falling back on the bed and making it bounce. ‘I don't want to be a substitute for his dead lover.’

‘Don't think he's the type who goes in for that,’ Simon replied thoughtfully. ‘Play it by ear, bro. Don't rush him. See how it goes this week.’

‘Yeah, alright,’ Ben replied, unaccountably depressed at the thought Matt might fall for him because of who he looked like.

Simon returned to work on Sunday, leaving Ben to get ready for the coming week. 

The coaching was intense, as it was meant to be. The maths groups were smaller than the language and social sciences groups so Ben was forced to be in contact with Matt several hours a day, on a daily basis. 

Any initial awkwardness on Ben's part quickly disappeared under such constant interaction. The weather didn't help levels of concentration either, as it stayed warm and sunny. Friday afternoon Ben had stayed in the tutorial room to start on his homework but his attention kept straying to the kick about going on outside on the grass. Matt had stayed too, going through other work. He noticed Ben looking longingly at the group outside.

‘Take a break if you want,’ he said without looking up from the page he was working through.

‘You don't.’

‘Pardon?’

‘You don't take breaks,’ he stated clearly.

‘Well um… ‘ Matt stammered unable to think of a suitable reply.

‘Come on,’ Ben said, standing up. ‘You keep telling us the correct way to study is to take ten minutes off in every hour. You're not following your own advice. Come on!’ 

He took Matt's arm passing his desk and gently pulled him to the outside door. Matt following in a trance.

The kick about lasted longer than ten minutes but was much enjoyed. Breathing hard they returned to their work, much refreshed. 

Matt kept stealing looks from under his eyelashes at Ben's bent head. He was so like his Ben, in some ways, and so unlike him in others. But the innate 'goodness' of the man was still there, core deep and unassailable.

When he was packing his bag at the end of the day Ben asked,

‘Si's coming up on Sunday, do you fancy coming out for a drink with us? Bring your Dad if he's up for it as well,’ he added quickly, trying to leave no possible room for objections. 

Matt thought but couldn't come up with an excuse, then realised he didn't want to make an excuse. 

‘OK, shall we meet you somewhere?’

‘We'll swing by your place and pick you up. I'm not that sure where everything is around here as yet.’

‘Right, see you then.’

That was a subtle reminder that this man with the heartrendingly familiar face and body wasn't his Ben. This Ben didn’t know the town.

Saturday dawned bright, clear and warm which Adam took as a signal that Matt should spend more time in the fresh air. He was beginning to look like he needed some sunshine. Acquiescing with bad grace he sat outside in the garden, under the table umbrella with a couple of scientific journals he'd been meaning to read for ages. He'd just become nicely engrossed when a voice interrupted him.

‘Hi!’

He turned to see Ben framed in the gateway.

‘Hi.’

Matt was dry mouthed at the sight before him. Ben had his shirt undone, long shorts, dark glasses and his skin glistened with sun cream.

‘Wondered if you fancied a walk by the river?’

‘That's a good idea Matt,’ Adam replied from the kitchen doorway. ‘I was just coming out to give you these,’ he continued, holding out sun glasses and a bottle of sun cream.

Matt scowled at his father, whilst replying in a honeyed voice,

‘Thanks Dad! Well, how about buying us lunch as well?’

‘Of course, son!’ he said, through gritted teeth. Then adding in a low voice, ‘When do you get paid, again?’

‘Thanks!’ he said, deftly extracting two tenners from Adam's open wallet and ignoring the question of using his own wages. This smelt like a set-up, so Adam could pay for his duplicity.

‘You've been a student too damned long!’ Adam replied, taking the journals and handing over the glasses.

Ben and Matt walked along in silence for a while until they got to the riverside path. Finally Matt asked, 

‘When did you and him set this up?’

‘Who? Set what up?’

‘My father and this walk.’

‘Sorry Matt, don't know what you're talking about. That was the first time I've seen your Dad since last week when we all went out. If you didn't want to come out, you should have said no.’

Ben sounded sincere and a little hurt.

‘Sorry!’

‘Does he make a habit of setting you up?’ Ben asked curiously.

‘He has just lately. A lot of people dropping by and suddenly suggesting a drink or a walk or something else to get me out of the house.’

Ben smiled. ‘He's probably just worried about you, you do work hard.’

‘Doesn't everyone?’

‘Most people take the occasional break.’

‘You're even starting to sound like him,’ Matt replied then grinned to let him know he was joking. 

‘How long a walk did you want?’ Matt asked.

Ben shrugged, sure he was getting the brush off now.

They had come to a curve in the river which gave a good view of the downstream path.

‘See that white building?’

‘Just about.’

‘It's a place called The Red Lion, decent beer and good food. If you're up for the trek we could make it for lunch?’

‘Sounds good to me!’ Ben replied, happy now he was going to get to enjoy Matt's company for at least a couple more hours.

The walk to the pub was very pleasant, a nice breeze from the river kept the temperature bearable and Matt felt himself relaxing in Ben's undemanding company. Ben could chat about anything so it wasn't difficult to keep the conversation flowing. Matt couldn't remember when he'd last spent such a wonderful day out. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to spend the whole day with someone other than his father. 

After a leisurely stroll home, via the shops. Matt put out the pate, cheeses and biscuits they'd bought with the last of Adam's money. They ate lying on a blanket on the lawn with cool beers from the fridge to accompany the food. They were both getting more and more mellow after a day of sunshine, exercise and a drink or two. 

In the warm twilight it seemed the most natural thing in the world for Ben to lean forward and kiss Matt. They flowed together perfectly. Ben instinctively knew to apply just right amount of pressure to Matt's lips, how to hold him, even the taste of his mouth felt as right and familiar as if he had been kissing Matt for a lifetime. When he drew back he regarded Matt with wide eyes.

Matt opened his eyes slowly, almost as confused as Ben. He looked deeply into the shadowed eyes before him, searching for some spark, some indication, that his Ben had somehow become integrated into this reality and into this man. The fact that kissing this Ben felt no different to kissing his lost partner made him almost sure at least some of their essence had been integrated.

‘How does my body remember you, but my mind doesn't?’ Ben asked.

Matt put his fingertips on Ben's lips.

‘Shh.’

‘I have met you somewhere, but I don't know where.’ 

Ben was genuinely puzzled about his reactions to Matt. He felt as if Matt was as familiar as his twin brother but with the added frission of sexual attraction. As if he did know him, and know him extremely well, but the circumstances of that knowledge were hidden and inaccessible within his mind.

Matt lay on his side facing Ben, quietly waiting for him to speak again. Ben reached out and touched his face, stroking from temple to jaw, running the pad of his thumb across his lips.

‘I don't know how I managed to forget you once, but I'm sure as hell not going to make that mistake twice.’

Matt's smiled sweetly before Ben's lips closed over his once again. This time Matt’s heart soared! 

This could not be coincidence. No-one else but Ben, his Ben, could kiss him like this. It was too much like his memories of their time together for this to be a literal stranger.

Matt's smiled sweetly before Ben's lips closed over his once again. This time Matt’s heart soared! This could not be coincidence. No-one else but Ben, his Ben, could kiss him like this. It was too much like his memories of their time together for this to be a literal stranger.

“Ben?” Matt said in wonder. “Mmm?” he replied intelligently, zeroing in again on his lips.

Matt let his inhibitions go and enjoyed the moment. He couldn’t have said afterwards at exactly which point he’d taken Ben’s shirt off him or when Ben had returned the compliment and removed his t-shirt. He was straddling Ben’s waist, slowly massaging sensual circles on his chest, over his nipples until Ben sat up and began to nuzzle his own nipples, suckling at him, then biting down on the hardened nubs sending Matt’s arousal spiralling off the scale. He held the streaky blonde head to his chest not letting him stop his sweet torture. As Ben began to ease his shorts down, somewhere at the back of Matt’s mind, a sense that perhaps that the garden might be too public a place for screwing one of his students made itself felt.

“Ben!” he whispered. “Ben, let’s go inside.”

“Yes, inside!” Ben repeated, not stopping for an instant. 

Matt grinned and pulled at the head between his hands and kissed him.

“Come on!” he said, standing up.

They gathered the debris from their meal and left it piled in the kitchen. Picking up their discarded shirts, Matt locked the kitchen door. Ben took his hand as he was led upstairs to his bedroom.

 

Moonlight bathed the room in silvery brilliance as Matt and Ben lay facing each other, holding each other close and kissing gently. Passion temporarily spent this was the time for soft words and caresses.

It had been months since Matt had last made love or even wanted to. He’d never thought that he would ever feel the sensations and joyous emotions flowing through him like this again. Ben too looked stunned.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this before,” he whispered reverently. “This isn’t just a one off, is it?” 

“Hope not,” Matt replied.

Even in the moonlight Ben could see Matt looked subtly different somehow. Relaxed. Happier.

Eventually they slept.

 

Ben awoke knowing he was under scrutiny. Matt had been watching him sleep. He smiled slowly and reached out to wrap his arms around his lover. He stared deeply into Matt’s eyes and said,

“I think I’ve fallen in love.”

Matt smiled at him and stroked his face, his skin rasping against his stubble.

“So have I,” he admitted shyly.

Overjoyed Ben hugged him hard then noticed the time.

“Hell, I’m meeting Simon at the station in half an hour!”

They scrambled out of bed and into the bathroom. There wasn’t any question that Matt wouldn’t be going to meet Simon with Ben. 

As Matt brushed his teeth the sad-eyed man who generally watched him doing his morning ablutions was absent. In his place stood a young man glowing with happiness. They smiled at each other, realising sometimes life did hand out second chances.

They made it to the station only five minutes late. Simon levered himself off the wall and waited until they reached him. As soon as he saw his brother he knew something had changed then he noticed the bright eyes and glowing cheeks of both men and knew.

He hugged Ben briefly and then held out his arms to Matt. Matt didn’t even hesitate.

“Suits you,” Simon said smiling as he set Matt back besides Ben.

“What does?” Matt asked confused.

“Smiling and being in love.”


End file.
